Our Dear Children6 - More Than Relations
by Mercy2908
Summary: After Lou and Buck's wife fall out, more problems are about to try the two families...
1. Chapter 1

**More than Relations**

Her lips pressed against his powerfully, while his hand, wrapped around her waist, brought her closer to his body. Rachel felt on top of the world, savoring the toe-curling kiss, which made her whole skin tingle with excitement and bliss. She and Ben had been courting for months now, and even though both of them had left behind their youth long ago, Rachel felt like a teenager in love. Her feelings for Ben were powerful, and she hadn't felt so strongly for anyone since her husband died over sixteen years ago. Ben was a bachelor, and they had met at the town social. Rachel did not know what was so special about Ben, but he had swept her off her feet since the first moment they met.

The kiss grew in intensity, and as Rachel let herself be lost in the moment, the sound of soft giggles reached her ears, and she pulled away. Rachel directed her eyes to the end of the alley where she and Ben had been sharing their hot kisses. From where she stood, the schoolteacher could see two little heads, peeking from the corner. The teacher narrowed her eyes in annoyance, and with resolute steps she marched to the spot. Crossing her arms over her bosom, she looked down at the two spies with a stern expression, and said, "What are you two doing? Shouldn't you be at home by now?"

Ike shrugged his shoulders while Matt said, "You shouldn't be embarrassed, Aunt Rachel. When people are in love, kissing is a natural thing to do."

Rachel heard Ben chuckle by her side. After sharing a covertly amused look with him, the woman shifted her eyes back to the child, and added, "Where did you learn that, Matt?"

"My ma told me," Matt said matter-of-factly.

Rachel bit her lower lip to avoid laughing openly. Matt's words brought to her mind what Lou had related to her last week. Apparently, one morning, when they were supposed to still be sleeping, Matt and little Jed had walked into their parents' bedroom when they were in an almost compromising situation. According to Lou, the children had only seen them kissing passionately because fortunately, she and Kid were under the covers. She had quickly put her discarded nightgown back on, and took the children out of the room. Of course, later she had tried to explain to the children, especially Jed, what they had seen, why their parents weren't wearing their night clothes, and why pa looked as if he was biting ma's mouth. Lou had said she had sweated blood, trying to talk to her children about such a delicate subject, and answer their questions honestly. Rachel could understand how difficult her friend's talk with her children had been because sometimes her students really threw her with their curiosity, and more than once she had been left speechless by one of her young charges.

"You love Mr. Dawson, don't you?" Ike asked, smiling brightly.

Blushing, Rachel shared a look with her beau, and said, "That's none of your business, young man, but well… yes, I… I have feelings for him."

"And you're going to marry him, Aunt Rachel? Are you? Ma also said that when a man and woman love each other, they have to marry."

Rachel blushed even more, and this time she did not even dare to look at Ben. "Matt, Matt," Rachel said, shaking her head and trying to sound unaffected, "You shouldn't ask that, honey."

"Why not? It's just a question," Matt replied.

"That's true, Rachel. It's just a question," Ben added. Rachel stared at him with a puzzled expression, feeling her face flame, and when she did not try to speak, Ben urged her, "So what is it? Are you going to marry me or not?"

"I… I… I guess… I… I… think so… one day… sure… if you still love me… I…," Rachel stammered, not making much sense as the words stumbled out of her mouth.

"Yes or no, Rachel? It's a straight question he asked you," Ben insisted.

Rachel looked him into the eyes intensely, and whispered, "Yes."

Ben smiled. "That's what I wanted to hear," he said, and cupping her face in his hands, he brought her lips to his, kissing her softly. "I want to marry you too," he added in the same whispering tone. Rachel grinned, and from the corner of her eye, she noticed the boys muttering as they searched their pants and jacket pockets. Rachel heard Ike whisper _'I knew you had it! Was I right or not?'_, and when she turned to look at them, she found Matt's extended palm holding a velvet pouch.

"Thanks, boys," Ben said, taking the little pouch, and emptying its content in his hand. Rachel's eyes almost popped out when she noticed the ring. "Let's make it official then, don't you think, honey?" Ben asked. Rachel could not speak, or even breathe. He took her hand, pressed her against his lips, and then said, "Will you marry me then, Rachel?"

Her heart skipped a beat as his question kept repeating itself over and over in her head. Fear crept into her soul, but at the same time the warm feeling of joy permeated her whole self. Rachel was so moved that she could only nod 'yes' to his question. Ben let out a happy whoop, and after placing the ring on her finger, he kissed her once again. The children laughed, and clapped their hands, and when the two adults pulled away, Rachel asked, "So you planned all this?"

Ben smiled in admission. "I'm a bit of a coward when it comes to you, so I had to get me some help." Rachel chuckled, and he then turned to his two little helpers. "Very well done, boys." Both Ike and Matt beamed in obvious pride for the good deed they had done today. They liked Mr. Dawson, and now he would be part of their family.

"Well, let's drive these two young rascals home. There's a little something that we have to tell their parents, don't you think, Ma'am?" Ben said. Rachel was still speechless. She nodded, and hooked her arm through the crook of his. Then she almost felt walking on the clouds as they made their way to the wagon.

* * *

No sooner had Ben pulled over the wagon than the two boys jumped off, and started running, crying an indistinct chorus of cheers and whoops. Lou was outside, sweeping the floor of her wooden porch, and when she noticed the children, she stopped, left the broom, and took a few steps towards them. Matt and Ike reached her, and excitedly tried to tell her the big news, but all Lou could hear was a chaotic mix of words. "Boys, boys, what is it? I can't understand a word."

Rachel and Ben walked towards them hand in hand, and at the ruckus made by the boys' loud voices, Ellen had also come out of her own home in curiosity. Rachel waved at her, and motioned her to approach. When the couple stopped behind the children, who were bickering like usual, Ben said, "Boys, I thought we had a deal."

"Yes, it was me who got to tell!" Ike said energetically.

"But Mr. Dawson said you could tell everybody. But there's nobody here but _my_ ma… It's _my_ ma, and I got to tell her!" Matt protested.

"My ma is here too!" Ike added, pointing at Ellen who was approaching with slow steps.

Rachel knew that the boys would never get to agree on anything, so she decided to take the matter in her own hands. She waited for Ellen, and then she said, "Ben asked me to marry him, and I said yes."

"Oh Rachel!" Lou exclaimed in obvious delight, throwing her arms around her friend and hugging her. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Congratulations!" Ellen added, following Lou's example and embracing the couple.

"I was supposed to tell the news," Ike grunted when the hugs and congratulating words were over. The four adults chuckled at the boy's comment, and Ellen ruffled her son's dark hair affectionately.

"It's such a shame Kid and Buck are out of town," Ellen said. "My husband's always complaining he's the last one to learn everything, and this time will be true as well."

"I'll tell him!" Ike cried, jumping at the chance.

"Why don't we go inside and have some tea to celebrate?" Lou offered with a smile.

Rachel hesitated as she shifted her eyes to Ellen. Things between Lou and her long-term friend were cold and distant since Ellen had made some unfortunate comments about Louise and her husband. Rachel knew Ellen deeply regretted those words, but Lou had not been able to get past that. "We … the four of us?" Rachel asked, making a circular motion with her index finger.

Lou cast a serious look in Ellen's direction. "Sure. Why not?" she muttered in a flat tone.

"Uh… I… you'll have to excuse me… I… I'd love to celebrate with you, but I was in the middle of something at home that needs my full attention," Ellen said awkwardly.

"Don't worry. We'll have a proper celebration soon with everybody," Ben replied with a smile.

"Come on, honey. Let's go home."

Ike nodded, and followed his mother towards their house. Left alone with the adults, Matt felt bored, and also walked into his. When they were by themselves, Rachel could not help but ask, "Lou, when is this thing with you and Ellen going to stop? It's been months, and your attitude makes us all uncomfortable."

Louise instantly felt annoyed by her friend's comment. "Why the heck are you throwing this at me? I said we four could have that toast!"

"With so much enthusiasm that the whole earth shook under our feet!" Rachel said sarcastically. "I don't mean just now, Lou. You hardly ever say a word to her as if she were just thin air, and you brush off all her attempts to close the gap between you as well!"

"How could I act normally around that woman knowing that she thinks the worst of me? I heard it perfectly, and she thinks I'm pretentious, bossy, and relish in other people's miseries. That hurts, Rachel. I'm not perfect, and have many flaws, but I've never wished ill to my friends and the people I consider my family. What kind of person would I be if I just did that?"

"Lou, honey, I'm sure you must've misunderstood Ellen. I can't believe that's what she thinks," Rachel said softly, stroking Lou's arm in an affectionate way.

"You weren't there or heard her. I have no problems with her, but don't ask me to be her friend anymore, because I can't pretend."

Rachel had to relent because she had no further arguments to add. "All right," she simply said.

"Shall we go and have that toast?" Louise asked, changing the topic.

Rachel and Ben shared a look, and then the schoolteacher said, "Lou, do you mind if we put it off? Ben and I would like to have, you know, a private celebration… just the two of us. There'll be plenty of time to get together with the rest of the family."

"Oh…" Lou let out in obvious disappointment. "Sure, whenever you feel like it. Have fun then," she added, unable to hide her annoyance. She turned on her heel, and marched towards her house. As she walked along, she kept grunting in silence. It angered her to realize that Rachel, her all-time friend, was taking Ellen's side. Louise couldn't understand her reasoning. She had been insulted in the most outrageous way, and had a right to feel offended. And even if she wanted to fix her friendship with Ellen, Lou knew it wouldn't be the same. Her harsh words were etched on her mind, and she just couldn't forget. It would be impossible for her to feel any other way.

Lou stepped into her living room. Jed and Matt were playing together, and Ginnie, who was almost one now, was having her nap. Louise approached the crib, covered her baby's body with a soft blanket, and as she moved away, she said, "Boys, I'll start dinner now. If Ginnie wakes up, just call me, all right?"

The two children answered in unison as she disappeared into the kitchen. As she had said, Lou soon got down to working on tonight's dinner. From a platter she took some trout Kid and the boys had caught the day before, and started cleaning them in the sink. After a few minutes, the door creaked open, and Matt came in. "Hey, honey!"

The boy did not reply, just scanned the room with his sharp eyes, and when he saw a big plate of cookies, he grabbed one. "Matt, leave that cookie, or you won't have an appetite tonight at dinner."

"Please, Ma," the boy begged, and before getting an answer from his mother, he started nibbling at the cookie. Louise just shook her head, and continued cleaning the fish, a task she really hated because it left a horrible smell on her hands for days. After eating the cookie, Matt came closer to his mother. "Are Aunt Rachel and Mr. Dawson gone?"

"Yes, they had things to do," Lou replied casually.

"I like Mr. Dawson, and I think it's great he and Aunt Rachel are getting married, "Matt said. Lou nodded, and smiled. Matt threw a casual look out of the window, and saw his eldest sister in the company of Billy, walking side by side. "Ma?"

"Yes, honey?"

"You said that when a man and a woman are in love, they get married."

"That's right."

"So Aunt Rachel and Mr. Dawson are in love. That's why they kiss, hug, and all that… like you and Pa."

Lou couldn't help but smile, and among giggles she said, "Yes, I guess that's so."

Matt kept thoughtful for a while before asking his next question. "Ma, is Janey going to marry Billy? I've seen them kiss and hug, too."

Louise stopped, and dried her hands on her apron. "No, Billy's not gonna marry your sister, at least, not any time soon," she replied. It was public knowledge that Jane and Billy were sweethearts, and even though Lou thought they weren't old enough to know what they wanted, she had not been able to oppose. Billy had even asked Kid if it was all right if he courted Janey. Lou liked the way her husband had dealt with the matter. Kid had told Billy that they were too young for proper courtship, and they should get to know each other better. Even though the two youngsters had grown up together, now they were going through a period of many changes, and needed to cope with them before anything else. Billy had accepted Kid's recommendation. That was just the theory because in practice Lou knew that her daughter and Buck's son were practically courting.

"Why not, Ma?" Matt asked again.

"For starters, your sister is too young."

Matt frowned in confusion. "Do you have to be a certain age to get married?"

"Yeah, you need to be a grown-up, because it's not easy," Louise explained.

"Why?"

"Marriage is forever, honey, and you have to be sure you really want to be with that person all your life, so you need time to get to know the person you choose… I mean to really, really know them. Do you understand what I mean?"

"I guess so," Matt replied slowly, and after being thoughtful for a while, he added, "But Ma, a father, a mother, and a sibling are also forever, and you get them since birth. You can't choose, and you're a baby."

"It's different, honey. Your parents and siblings are your family," Lou replied.

"So Pa isn't your family?"

"Yes!" Lou exclaimed a bit too loudly. Matt's questions always gave her a headache, because whatever he asked her, she always ended in a non-return point. "It's just different… Anyway, your sister just can't get married. Billy's leaving for college in a few weeks, and when two people get married, they need a place of their own, and your sister and Billy don't have a cent."

"Why can't they live here with us?"

"I told you… a married couple lives alone because that's the way it is, all right? And please stop the questions for a while, honey. I really need to start dinner."

Matt nodded, and added, "I think I know why they have to live alone… because they don't want anybody to see them kiss. That's why Jane and Billy sometimes like to go to the hayloft."

Lou's face scrunched up unhappily. "Do they?" she couldn't help to say, and following the direction her son was looking at out of the window, she saw Jane and Billy disappear into the barn. Suddenly, she felt her face red and hot, realizing for the first time that her sweet Jane was not so young, and she was actually with a boy in the real sense. Lou had not given much thought to the idea that her daughter might be having the same feelings, desires, and passions as when she herself was young. Janey was a couple of years younger than Lou was when she started with Kid, but that did not mean that she did not feel the same. Maybe what she had thought of as an innocent thing between two teenagers was not so innocent. So without a single thought she turned to her son, and said, "Mattie, go and find your sister, and don't leave her side until I tell you so."

"But ma, they don't want me around."

"Do what I told you, all right?"

Matt nodded, reluctantly left the kitchen through the back door, and slowly made his way to the barn where he knew Janey and Billy would be whispering silly things, and acting like a couple of fools.

* * *

Lou was finishing dinner in the kitchen when she heard the door open and the loud voices of Matt and Jane resound in the living room. She quickly dashed into the living room to see what was happening, and noticed that Janey was barking angrily while the boy was also shouting back. "Hey, hey, what's going on here?" Lou cut them off, raising her voice over her children's.

Jane looked at her mother, and furiously said, "Matt has been following me all day like a lap dog, and doesn't leave me alone!"

"Oh yes… I know," Louise replied, and to her daughter's surprise, she added, "I asked him to."

"But… but why?" Jane asked, totally bewildered.

Lou did not answer, but turned her head to her son, and added, "Matt, go and wash up, and bring Jed with you. He's in your bedroom playing. We'll be eating dinner in a few minutes."

Louise walked a few more steps in the living room, and sat on the sofa. "Come here, Jane. We need to talk," she said, tapping the place next to her.

Jane made an unhappy gesture. When her mother said they had to talk, it usually meant a lecture. Jane did not even know what she had done this time, and it irritated her to still be treated as a child. She was fifteen, and her mother should have learned by now that she was a young lady, and not a child. "What is it?" Jane asked as she plunked down onto the sofa, crossing her arms over her chest in a defensive fashion.

"What were you doing with Billy in the barn, honey? Matt told me you lately like the hayloft a bit too much."

"Oh… that boy is nothing but a nosy, little…"

"Hold on," Lou cut off her daughter's angry reaction. "Just answer my question, and leave your brother alone."

"We just go there to talk… there are too many people around here all the time. The children are always bothering us," Jane replied.

"Honey, I wasn't born yesterday," Lou said pointedly. "I was also your age once."

"Ma, we ain't doing anything wrong. We like being together, especially since he's leaving soon, and we… we kiss, yes, but I don't think that's a sin!"

"That ain't the point, Janey. I just don't want you to rush… I still think you're too young for a sweetheart. Your father told Billy, but you've both ignored him completely."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Ma, we ain't children. You were just four years older than me when you married Pa!"

"At your age four years is a lot, honey. And things were very different for me," Lou explained as patiently as she could.

"I ain't planning to marry Billy, but I love him. Why do you have to make such a fuss about it? Is it because you're still angry at Aunt Ellen and want to get back at her for what she said?"

"That's not it!" Lou exclaimed. "I like Billy… I'm very fond of him, but I can't help worrying about you. I don't want you to end up heartbroken or disappointed. Even though you believe you know what you want, there's so much you still need to live. And I don't mean just you… but Billy too. Things are gonna change for him pretty soon. He's going to college in a few weeks, and will meet other people, have other experiences… things change when you're growing up."

"Are you saying Billy's gonna forgotten and left me for one of the girls he's going to meet in college? I don't believe that… he's special, we have something special going on," Jane retorted.

Louise sighed. "I ain't saying that. I just want you to be careful, that's all. Whether we want it or not, a woman is in a more vulnerable position in every sense of the world," Lou explained, and at Jane's frown, she added, "Believe your mother, Janey, because I know what I'm saying. When I was younger, I fooled myself, thinking we can get even with men, but at the end of the day we women are in the losing end."

"Ma, I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to tell me."

"Just be careful, all right?" Lou repeated in a very serious tone.

"And you shouldn't worry. Billy and I ain't doing anything wrong… honestly," Jane said, feeling her cheeks go red. Talking about these matters with her mother was too embarrassing, and she wished her ma would drop the subject. It was true that she and Billy weren't doing anything reproachable. When they were alone, they kissed, and Billy also caressed her arms, her back, or even her legs, but always over her clothes, and that was as far as they had got.

"I'm glad to hear that, and you know, you can talk to me whenever you feel like it, or there's something that worries you," Lou replied with a smile. Jane just nodded, and as steps coming down the stairs sounded in the room, the girl breathed out totally relieved. The appearance of Jed and Matt saved her from further questions, and awkwardness, and never before had she been so happy to have the most inopportune brothers in the whole world.

* * *

The church piano played the wedding march as Rachel walked down the aisle towards her groom, who waited at the altar with a bright smile. Teaspoon stood behind Ben since he would conduct the ceremony; he stared at his long-time friend with clear satisfaction.

Rachel slowly advanced between the pews, beaming happily at the familiar faces congregated in the church for her big day. Even though she was feeling ecstatic, she could not stop the butterflies in her stomach as she was about to join her life to Ben's forever. The notion was dizzying and she held onto Buck's arm tightly.

In the end, it had been Buck who walked her down the aisle. For weeks she had been torn, trying to make up her mind about who she would ask to give her away. She was as fond of Buck as of Kid, but she feared that if she chose one over the other, they would resent her, especially after the cold way their wives treated each other. Thankfully, Rachel's fears were put to rest when the two men talked to her, and suggested the flip of a coin should decide, and Buck had been the winner.

Rachel reached her beloved and the ceremony almost flew by. Soon they were pronounced husband and wife, and Rachel felt her heart swell with happiness as she kissed her new husband for the first time.

After the ceremony, the newlyweds and their guests headed for the ranch where they would be having a nice reception to celebrate the happy union. Since Rachel and Ben were acquainted with lots of people in Rock Creek, the yard on the ranch was swarming with people that wanted to congratulate the couple and express their good wishes with a present for their love nest.

Tables had been set around the property, and all of Rachel's lady friends had helped by bringing two or three dishes they had cooked at home. Rachel and her new husband sat at the big table surrounded by their friends and family. Despite the clash between Lou and Ellen, the rest did not let themselves be influenced by the women's bad relationship, and acted as normally as they could, ignoring the latent animosity in the air. Naturally, Ellen and Louise had sat at both extremes of the table, as far away from each other as possible.

Everybody had a toast to the newlyweds' happiness and then had a pleasant lunch as conversation flew all through the table.

"Tomorrow we're taking a train to Denver," Rachel explained when she was asked about their plans for their honeymoon. "As you all know, Ben's family couldn't make it for the wedding. His mother has been unwell and couldn't travel. So we're going to spend a few weeks there. I'm really looking forward to meeting my new family."

Ben smiled and squeezed his wife's hand under the table, silently thanking her generosity for sacrificing her honeymoon to be with his family. Yet, Ben had a surprise for her, and planned to save a week just by themselves in a little, off-the-track town. After all, they were not in a hurry to come back to Rock Creek. He was his own boss, and now that Rachel was a married woman she would not work in the school anymore and devote all her time to her husband and home.

The conversation soon changed to the topic that was most discussed in the Cross household, which was Billy's imminent depart to college. The boy was leaving the following Monday, and was both excited and gloomy at the same time. The prospect of college and being the first one in his family to achieve such an honor made him proud. Yet, the idea of leaving Janey filled him with too much sadness and even dread. They would have to be a part for too long, and even though Billy was certain of what he felt, he was afraid Jane would forget about him and fall in love with someone else.

When Billy finished answering everybody's questions, he threw a casual look at his side, where Jane sat, and he noticed her bleak expression. He could not help but feel pleased to realize that she was not happy to see him go either. Under the table he held her hand and caressed her soft skin with his thumb. The young couple locked eyes and shared a knowing, meaningful smile, which comforted them a bit from what they would have to face in just a week from today.

Later on in the day when the sun was low on the horizon, a band started playing, and the ample yard filled with couples dancing. The smaller children had long ago left the table, and were playing and ruining the new clothes their mothers had bought and dressed them in for the occasion.

"If you'll excuse me," Lou said, rising to her feet and holding a sleeping Ginnie in her arms. "I'll put this angel to bed. She's totally done."

"Let me go with you, honey," Kid volunteered, and his wife nodded with a smile.

As the married couple walked away, Cody, who had come to the wedding, started tittering with a naughty expression. "What's so funny, son?" Teaspoon asked in a serious tone.

"Those two," Cody replied, pointing his finger at the couple who had just left the table a minute ago. "They're so obvious. One would have thought that after so many years of marriage they would have cooled down. But I guess that they don't have many chances to have the house just for themselves."

Jimmy was laughing hard. "I wouldn't expect to see them for an hour."

"An hour? You must be kidding me. Kid wouldn't last more than…"

"Cody!" Ellen cried in a scolding tone, tilting her head pointedly at Jane, whose face was as read as a beetroot. Cody and Jimmy looked genuinely mortified as they realized they had forgotten about the girl completely.

Billy noticed his sweetheart's embarrassment, and decided to save her from further awkwardness. "Janey, shall we dance?"

Without lifting her eyes, the girl nodded, and hooking her arm around Billy's, they sauntered to join the dancing couples. When they started swaying to the music, Jane kept her eyes downcast, and Billy had to smile at her evident shyness.

"Janey, I wouldn't worry about what Uncle Jimmy and Cody have said."

The girl raised her eyes. "Do you think that they are right… that my parents are in my house… that they are…?"

"I don't know," Billy replied. "Your parents love each other, so it's natural."

"I know that, and I've always thought that they look nice together. But the idea that they are… that they are… It's disgusting! They're too old already!" Janey exclaimed totally shocked.

"Don't be such a prude, Janey."

"I'm not!" the girl retorted, slightly offended by Billy's accusation.

"Janey, that's a natural thing between a man and a woman. As a matter of fact, I sometimes hear my parents at night."

Janey kept quiet for a few seconds, just moving alongside him between the other dancing couples. After a while, she whispered, "Do you ever think about us two, you know, doing that?"

"Yes," Billy replied honestly. "Don't you?"

"I… I… I," Jane stuttered, blushing and unable to say a single word. Billy laughed at her shyness, and the girl felt her cheeks flush even more.

The song ended, and Billy intertwined his fingers against hers. "Come with me," he said, steering her away from the crowd of dancing couples.

"Where are we going?"

"Let's go to the barn," Billy replied.

At his words, Jane stopped short, making the boy halt too. "Billy, no, not the barn. You know what my mother thinks of us going there."

"Janey, your mother doesn't have to know, and I want to kiss you. Would you rather I kiss you here in public?"

Jane shook her head, and finally followed him in silence. Once in the barn they climbed the ladder to the hayloft as they usually did. Billy sat against the wooden wall, and Jane placed herself next to him. The boy leaned forward and captured her lips. Jane responded to the kiss, and wrapped her arms around his neck while his hands rubbed up and down her back. They kissed passionately until they were out of breath. Janey stared into his deep, brown eyes and said, "I'm gonna miss you so much."

"Me too," Billy whispered, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand.

"You aren't going to forget me, are you?" Jane muttered, voicing her fears for the first time.

"Forget you? How could I do that, Jane McCloud?"

"You're going to meet many beautiful, intelligent college girls, and …"

"But none as special as you are to me. You're the only one, Jane," Billy cut her off, declaring his undying love as he caressed her face. "It's me who should be afraid of those real boys going after you."

"What boys?" Jane laughed amused.

"All of them. Joe Miller, Barry Owens, Terry Cole…" Jane continued laughing, and Billy kept quiet, totally mesmerized by her breathtaking, adorable image. "You're so beautiful," he breathed. Jane blushed pleased, and before she could say another word, she was flooded by his intense, demanding kisses once again. Music from outside reached them, involving the cavernous, cold barn in a romantic, invisible halo.

Feeling captive and weak under his kisses, almost by inertia Jane found herself lowering her body until her back touched the straw covering the hayloft. Billy inched on top of her, his legs framing hers, and after minutes of passionate kissing his lips traced the skin of her neck. Feeling his mouth on her, Jane let out a moan, a sound she did not even know was able to utter, and the same sound pushed Billy to act more boldly. His hand moved almost automatically, and sneaked under her skirt, touching the pale skin on her leg that had never seen the sunlight before.

At his feel Jane opened her eyes, totally started. "Billy!" she exclaimed, roughly removing his hand, and giving him a light punch on his chest.

The boy stopped nuzzling her neck, and his eyes locked into hers. "What's the problem, baby?"

"That… that's not decent!" she said, pulling the material of her skirt down, and sitting up at the same time.

"I love you, Janey."

"And I love you too," the girl replied. "But that doesn't mean we have to forget we're decent folks."

"Baby, remember what I told you? When people are in love, like your parents or mine, they long for more than just kisses… I long for more."

"But… but our parents are married," Jane replied.

"They are now, but you know my folks just tied the knot last year. Do you think what they did before then was wrong?"

"Uh no, but…"

"And one day we'll get married too." Jane still looked unconvinced, and Billy smiled. "Don't frown, Janey. We don't have to do anything you don't want to." The boy rose to his feet, and stretched his hand to her. "Come on. Let's go, my little prude."

Jane swatted her hand away, and felt very irritated. "I'm not a prude! I just think we're too young."

"I understand."

His patronizing tone managed to annoy her even more. "I'm serious, Billy! Don't treat me like an idiot!"

The boy fell onto his knees before her, and cupped her face in his hands. "I love you, Janey… more than I can even express. I know I'm going to miss you too much when I go, and I guess my longing for you took over now." Billy brought her mouth to his, and the boy put his whole soul, spirit, and body in the kiss, worshipping and exploring every inch of her enticing lips. When he pulled away, Jane gasped, already missing his touch. She smiled, and as her whole body was overwhelmed by a desperate longing and desire, she realized that in one second she had made a decision. "Billy, will… will… will you be gentle?"

The boy stared at her wide-eyed. "Janey, we don't have to do anything just because 'I' want it."

"I also want it," Jane stated firmly, feeling a surge of excitement at the prospect of crossing those forbidden barriers that only adults were supposed to overlook. "And I really wish to show you how sure I am of my love to you."

Billy smiled, and taking her hand in his, he gently lay her down on the straw. The boy leaned on his side next to her, and looking into her apprehensive eyes, he whispered, "Don't be scared. This is something we will always remember."

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Billy asked, softly kissing the tender skin of her naked shoulder.

Jane folded her arms to cover her breasts as her eyes directed to the peaked wooden ceiling above her. Despite being intimate with Billy just moments ago, she now felt very embarrassed, and realizing that she was in the nude before her, she could hardly meet his eyes. "I… I dunno. Strange, I guess."

"Did… did I hurt you?"

Jane shook her head. "Not really. It was… it was nice at times."

"I heard it bets better after the first time."

Jane turned her head to face his gaze. "Billy, we can't… we can't do this anymore. What if I get in trouble?"

Billy slid his arm around her shoulders and drew her closer to him. "Everybody knows nothing of that sort can happen the first time, silly, and there are ways to play on the safe side."

Jane's interest perked up after his words. "What ways?"

Billy did not answer right away because in fact he did not know much about the whole thing. He had just heard some of his older friends talk and brag about being with prostitutes, and logically he had been interested in knowing more. The boy was as inexperienced as Janey, but he was positive that all he had to do was to follow what he had learned from his friends. "Uh… there are certain positions. If we remain in our feet, and you place…"

"Billy, please stop! That sounds too… too dirty."

"Janey, there's nothing dirty in this if you are with the person you're in love with. I'd like to share this with you again before I go on Monday."

"We'll see," Jane replied as she sat up and tried to find her clothes. "Let's go now before somebody misses us and comes looking for us."

They got dressed in silence. When they came down the ladder, Jane panicked as she saw her brother Mattie in the barn. The boy was crouched behind the door, clearly playing hide-and-seek with his friends. Hearing noises behind him, Matt turned his head and saw her sister and Billy climbing down from the hayloft.

"What were you doing up there? You know Ma doesn't like you to be there with him."

Janey stalked to her brother in three strides, and grabbed the nine-year-old by the collar of his shirt. "If you breathe any of this to ma or pa, I'll tell them who broke the jewelry box Pa gave Ma for her birthday."

"They already know it was Jed."

"It was you, Matt. I'll tell them and they won't be so lenient with you," Jane snarled angrily.

The young boy shoved himself free, and cried, "I don't care! Tell them!"

Without waiting for an answer, Matt ran out of the barn like a bat out for leather. Jane remained there, petrified, and as she felt Billy behind her, she said, "Oh God! Why did Matt have to see us? He can't keep quiet, he can't!"

"Don't worry, honey. It wont' be the first time your ma has told you off for hiding here with me. You'll just have to endure another lecture, that's all."

"But if she asks me, I'll be too embarrassed. And she'll know… she'll know. I sometimes think she can read my mind," Jane said.

"Jane, relax. This ain't the end of the world," Billy replied, and as Jane still looked quite strung up, he added, "Come on. Let's go dancing. This is a party."

Jane nodded, and let him steer her outside. As they joined the dancing couples once again, Jane kept her eyes down, feeling that all eyes were on her as if everybody knew what had happened in the barn. The confrontation with her brother kept tormenting her, and she timidly lifted her gaze, and scanned the yard, trying to locate Matt. She found him with a bunch of boys, having some kind of argument. Jane silently prayed Matt forgot he had seen her in the barn because if her blabbermouth brother told her mother, she would be up for some serious trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

Louise yawned and stretched her arms as she slid out of bed. Turning her head to look at her still sleeping husband, she smiled. When Kid was asleep, he looked so sweet and even young that she without fail felt the urge to kiss him. Yet, this morning she would let him be. After Rachel's wedding, she had gone to bed quite late last night; Kid and Buck had volunteered to clean up after the celebration which included removing tables, chairs, and anything left after the wedding guests had gone home. Lou had not even heard him get into bed, so this morning she would let him sleep in.

After getting dressed, she checked on Ginnie who was peacefully sleeping in her cradle, and tucked her in. As she descended the stairs, Lou sighed, foreseeing a very long day of washing and cleaning. She would have to wash all the plates, cutlery, and glassware that they had used at Rachel's reception, and the sooner she started, the better. Ellen had offered to help, but Louise had refused her assistance. However much she tried, she could not find in her heart the serenity to stand Ellen Cross. It was impossible for her to erase what Ellen had told her months ago. Lou felt betrayed and disappointed. She had really believed Ellen was one of her best friends, but apparently, the other woman's opinion about her and Kid had proved all that was just a façade. How could she forget that and keep being friends with Ellen when she knew what the woman thought of her? Maybe time would help her forget, but right now the wound was still too fresh.

As Lou reached her kitchen, she heard some strange sounds coming from outside. Curious, she had a look out of the window and was surprised to find Jane scrubbing some white garment on the washing board and the basin they had in the back yard. Louise opened the kitchen door and stepped out. With slow steps she approached her daughter and asked, "What are you doing, Janey?"

The girl almost jumped out of her skin as the unexpected voice resounded behind her. "Ma, you startled me!" she exclaimed, quickly pushing the garment she had in her hands underwater.

"Sorry," Lou muttered, and as she looked down, she realized the garment Jane was washing was a pair of bloomers. "What are you doing, honey?" she asked again.

Jane blushed and looked away. Shifting her eyes down, she focused them on her soap-covered hands and the garment floating on the water. "I… I…" the girl stuttered, racking her brains to come up with a logical explanation. "I… I had a… an accident," she managed to let out eventually. "Something I ate last night upset my stomach," she muttered, placing a hand on her middle, but was unable to meet her mother's eyes that she could felt boring on her.

Lou took a couple of steps closer, and touched the girl's forehead, checking whether she might have a temperature. "And how are you feeling now?"

"Better, Ma."

Lou eyed her daughter, deep in thought. "Janey, does this have anything to do with Billy?"

At the question, Jane panicked, wondering whether her brother might have confessed up about finding her and Billy in the barn. "Billy? I… I don't know what you're talking about."

Lou smiled sweetly. "When your Pa and I were first married, we were in dire need of money after spending all our savings on this property. He heard they were employing people in some coal mines in Wyoming. It was good money, and he worked there for three months. The first week he was gone, I could hardly keep any food down. Your aunt Rachel thought I was pregnant, but it wasn't so. I just missed him so much that my body could hardly take it." Lou paused for a second, and then added, "Billy is leaving in a week, ain't he?"

"And I already miss him," Jane softly said, hating herself for lying to her mother, but there was no way she could tell her the truth.

"I understand that," Lou said, kissing her daughter on the cheek. "Pa and I always say you're too young to fall in love, but … it's difficult to ignore one's heart, ain't it?"

Jane nodded slowly. "I do love him."

"If it's real, no matter how far you are from each other, that love will endure anything," Lou said with a smile, and the girl reciprocated the gesture. "Honey, let me finish washing these, and you go and lie down. I'll bring you something that helps your stomach later."

Janey nodded, glad that she had managed to remove all the stains, before her mother could have a look. "Thanks, Ma. You're the best." The girl then scurried away before her mother could ask her more questions. Talking about Billy and her feelings was too embarrassing, and after what had happened last night, she could hardly endure her mother's prying curiosity. Her mother had always been the person Jane could turn to when she had a problem. Yet, lately things had changed, and Jane would rather trust her friends than her mother.

Ma could not understand her wish to be treated like an equal, and always talked to her as if she were a child. How could she tall her about Billy and her growing feelings? That was private; she was just her mother, and naturally she never told Jane about her life with her father, so the girl felt she had no call in demanding anything. Her parents had raised her well, and their job had stopped there. Now Jane believed they had to let her fly free, and do whatever she thought would make her happy. Who could know more about her happiness than herself? Nobody. Not her father, and definitely not her mother.

* * *

Monday morning woke up cold and rainy. The black clouds hovering on the sky left the earth in shadows and darkness. As Lou prepared breakfast for her family that morning, she had to light several lamps to illuminate the kitchen.

"Where's Janey?" she asked her husband as she saw him appear with just the two boys in tow.

"She's still getting dressed," Kid replied, sitting at the table while the two boys came to kiss their mother good morning. "She has a pile of clothes on top of her bed because she can't make up her mind what to wear today. I really don't understand why it can be difficult to pick something to wear for school."

Lou shook her head as she beat a couple of eggs energetically. She knew what all this fuss about Jane's clothes was, but instead of explaining it to Kid, she said, "Did she ask you anything?"

"No, why?" Kid replied with a frown. "Jed, stop playing with your milk, and drink it up."

"If I'm wrong, then I don't know my daughter at all. I'm pretty sure she will ask you something," Lou replied matter-of-factly, but did not try to elaborate. "Matt, pick up the fork and start eating."

"Yes, Ma," the boy muttered unhappily.

Lou was already sitting at the table when Jane appeared, wearing a beautiful purple dress she normally wore for church, and which was too thin for today's weather. "Good morning, Ma."

"Morning, honey," Lou replied, studying her daughter, fully aware what the girl had up her sleeve, but she did not say a word.

The family ate their breakfast with the usual conversation, which was hogged by the two boys. Jane was more quiet than normal, and Lou was certain that she was working out the way to convince her father to let her go with the Cross's to Blue Creek even though Lou had already said no.

Kid was the first one to finish breakfast. Wiping his moth, he rose to his feet while saying, "Thanks, Lou. It was lovely like every day." He stopped to give his wife a kiss, and as he took his hat and jacket from the peg by the door, Jane spoke up.

"Pa, before you go, could you and I talk… in private?"

This was what Lou had been expecting, and naturally she was ready. "Janey, whatever you have to tell your father, you can tell me too," Lou stated in a firm voice while he fed Jed the last spoonfuls of his porridge.

"This is something I can only tell Pa," the girl muttered.

Lou sent Kid a meaningful look, which spoke louder than words, and the Southerner said, "Jane, you know we don't keep secrets in this family. Don't be afraid and say whatever you have to say."

The girl was not happy to have her intentions thwarted. She knew her father never said no to her, but when her mother was around, it was her who called the shots. Jane lowered her eyes, and muttered, "Can I go to Blue Creek to see Billy off?"

"I want to go too!" Matt exclaimed.

"And me!" Jed chorused, clapping his little hands.

"Nobody's going anywhere," Lou said. "Janey, I already told you."

"But I asked Uncle Buck and Aunt Ellen, and they said I could go with them."

"I don't care what they told you," Lou continued. "You have school today."

"It's just one day!" Jane protested. "Pa, please!"

"Janey," Lou continued, not letting Kid have a word in edgewise. "This week we lifted your curfew an hour because we understood you wanted to spend more time with your friend. You had plenty of opportunities to say goodbye to him."

"Ma, it ain't fair!" Jane roared loudly. "You keep me on such a short leash, and I'm tired! I'm no child, and you can't treat me like one."

"Keep your voice down, young lady, and don't talk to your mother like that," Kid chastised her.

"If you ain't a child, stop behaving like one. I said no, and that's final!"

Jane stared at her mother; her eyes full of indignation and hostility. "And you know what? I don't care! I don't care what you say anymore!" The girl burst into tears, and scrambled to her feet, tipping the chair over as she rushed back up the stairs to her bedroom.

Lou shook her head at the girl's behavior. Kid straightened up the chair and said, "Maybe this time we could…"

"No, Kid," Lou cut her off. "She knows there are rules, and she has to respect them. School is untouchable. I already told her days ago. She has to learn that she can't challenge whatever you or I say."

Kid pulled a face in resignation, and finally slid out of the kitchen to continue with work. Lou sat back down, and noticed her two sons looking at her with curiosity. "Boys, let's finish breakfast."

"Janey, didn't finish hers," Jed said.

"Because she's a silly girl," Lou replied, ruffling her youngest son's hair. "And then she'll be hungry in the middle of school."

Lou finished eating, and as she was washing the plates, her children also brought her their breakfast things once they were done. "Mattie, go and tell your sister it's time to leave for school." The boy stood there unmoving and Lou urged him further. "Come on, honey."

"Ma, do I have to? I don't like it when Janey is in a bad mood!"

"Be a good boy, and do as I tell you to. Please."

With an unhappy face Matt shuffled to the staircase unwillingly. A couple of minutes later the boy was back in the kitchen. "Where's your sister?" Lou asked as she dried her hands on a tea towel.

Matt shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. She ain't in her bedroom."

A sick feeling set at the pit of her stomach as she urgently walked out of the kitchen. "Janey! Janey!" she called repeatedly as she checked every single room in the house. Her daughter was nowhere, so Lou dashed out of the house, wondering if she was outside. Rain had stopped, and from the porch she saw Buck drive a covered wagon out of the property, and from the gap in the canvas she could make out the sandy-haired head of her daughter. "Jane! Jane!" Lou called at the top of her voice as she started running after the wagon like a mad woman. Yet, the carriage was already too far away, and nobody heard or saw her. When it was clear that it was a lost battle, she stopped breathlessly and kept staring at the wagon disappearing on the horizon.

"Lou!" Kid called, reaching her out of breath. He had been working outside when he had seen his wife dash out of their house frantically.

Louise turned her angry eyes to her husband. "Your daughter just decided she doesn't care a damn about what we think, and has gone with the Cross's anyway!" Lou exclaimed, punishing her left palm with her right fist. "I can't understand how Buck and… and Ellen went against our wishes."

"Lou, I'm sure they didn't know. I don't think Buck would have agreed to take Jane otherwise."

Louise shook her head in frustration. "Oh this girl of ours! We've been too lenient with her, and we can't be this soft, especially now. She's at a dangerous age. We should have been sterner when she had that thing with that older fella. We let her get away with it too easily despite all her lies she told us. And now she thinks she can play with us again."

Kid nodded. "When she comes back tonight, I'll talk to her."

"Don't," Lou said, lifting her hand for demonstration. "I'll deal with her. Your words don't work anymore, and she knows she has the power as far as you're concerned."

Kid nodded. "All right then, Ma. You are in charge."

* * *

Saying goodbye to Billy had been totally heartbreaking, but the situation she had found at home in her return had been more dramatic than she had expected. Her mother had been livid, seething with rage, and Jane had to endure a tremendous, furious lecture all alone, without her father, who always managed to soothe her ma. Yet, he was not around then, and Jane had never seen her mother angrier. Her romantic stunt had wound up with her being grounded for two whole weeks and having her chores doubled. Jane had to bite her tongue not to lash out and get into deeper trouble. It was not fair. She had just wanted to say goodbye to her beau, and it was not right the way her mother treated her.

Those two weeks turned out to be the longest of her life. She missed Billy terribly, and since she could not see her friends after school either, her loneliness was almost unbearable. As days went by, her mother's anger blew over, and she never mentioned her escapade again, which was a relief. Despite her feelings about her mother's attitude, Jane had apologized even though she did not feel sorry. What the girl regretted most was that because of her behavior, her parents, especially Ma, had been upset with Uncle Buck and Aunt Ellen. Janey had not liked lying to them, but if she had told them the truth about her Ma forbidding her from going to Blue Creek, they would not have let her travel with them, and she would not have been able to say a proper goodbye to Billy. Uncle Buck had apologized to her parents, and they had understood it wasn't his or Aunt Ellen's fault, but Jane knew that this matter had not helped smooth the situation between her mother and Billy's, but quite the opposite.

A couple of knocks on the door made Jane lift her eyes from her journal. Her mother stood at the threshold, bearing a smile on her lips. The girl simply stared at her, and Louise said, "You know you ain't grounded any longer, honey. Yesterday was your last day."

Jane lowered her eyes and continued scribbling in her journal. "I feel like staying here on my own," the girl replied gruffly.

Louise walked into the bedroom, and rested a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "What's wrong, Janey? Are you still angry at me?"

Jane looked up; her cold eyes shining in the dim light of her room. "I hate it when you do that, Ma!" she exclaimed. "You act all friendly, and then a minute later you still treat me like a child."

Louise removed her hand and folded her arms over her chest "Janey, I'm your mother, not your friend. Don't forget that."

"You never let me forget that," Jane let out between gritted teeth.

Lou shook her head at the girl's attitude. Jane's behavior lately was so difficult, and Louise hoped it was just a bad spell. "Janey, whatever you think, my aim ain't to make you miserable, but the opposite. Your father and I work very hard for you and your siblings. We might make mistakes, but we do everything just thinking of the four of you. We just want the best for you."

Jane was tired of listening to the same speech, and felt an urgent need to get out of her mother's suffocating presence. Rising to her feet, Jane took her cardigan and put it on. "Ma, can I go see Daisy?" the girl asked stiffly.

Louise simply nodded, and without even a simple goodbye, the girl ran out of the bedroom. Lou sighed, wondering if she had been the same at Jane's age. Things had been too different for her, and back then she had bigger problems to consider. It was the lack of a mother in her life that had been an issue, and she whished she could have been able to get angry with her ma because that would have meant there was somebody to be angry with. Jane could not imagine how lucky she actually was. Lou shuddered, remembering everything she had to go through when she was Jane's age or younger. Her daughter might be sore at her for ages, but she would accept that and even her hostility if that meant her young daughter was safe and protected. Every sacrifice was worth it if all her children were fine and had a carefree childhood; nothing else mattered to her.

* * *

Mrs. Morgan opened her door, flashing an honest, bright smile. "Jane, what a pleasant surprise!" the woman said, stepping aside to let the girl step into the hall. "Are you here to see my Daisy?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Please come inside," Mrs. Morgan said. "Daisy is in the living room with her young man."

Jane nodded, but could not help but be surprised by the woman's words. Daisy had been courted by Rupert Malcolm for a few weeks, but Jane did not know it was so serious that her friend had brought her sweetheart to meet her family. Rupert was a new boy in town since his family had moved to Rock Creek just a few months ago, and since the first day, Daisy had been smitten by him. Jane was glad that the feeling was mutual, and not long afterwards Rupert had asked Daisy permission to court her. Jane, though, felt it was too soon for Daisy's mother to open her doors to her daughter's boyfriend as if he were already part of the family.

"How are your parents and siblings?" Mrs. Morgan asked as they walked towards the living room.

"They're fine, thanks."

"I heard your sweetheart's gone to college," Mrs. Morgan dared to remark. "I imagine you must miss him terribly."

Jane smiled, and nodded sheepishly. Her heart saddened as she thought of Billy, and her situation at home. It was incredible that the only person who had bothered to ask her about her feelings for Billy's absence was somebody outside her own family. Her own mother had hardly said a word about him since Jane had pulled her stunt and gotten punished, and her father never felt comfortable talking about Billy and preferred to ignore that he was her sweetheart. And what was worse was that both her parents had known Billy all his life.

The door to the living room was closed, and Mrs. Morgan knocked, and waited a few seconds before she opened it. "Daisy, darling, your friend Jane's here."

Daisy and Rupert were sitting on the sofa unchaperoned, and the boy rose to his feet, tilting his head to Janey politely. Daisy remained seated and smiled. "Jane, I'm so glad to see you. Your mother took pity on you, and let you go?"

"I'm not grounded anymore," Janey muttered, embarrassed to admit she had been punished like a little girl before Rupert and Daisy's mother. The girl took a few cautious steps closer. "I didn't know you were busy. I better go. We can meet tomorrow."

"No need," Rupert spoke up. "I was actually leaving now." The boy stooped and planted a chaste kiss on Daisy's cheek. "See you tomorrow, love." Once again Rupert tilted his head to Jane as he got ready to go.

"Let me walk you to the door, Rupert," Mrs. Morgan said, hooking her arm around his, and they sauntered out of the room, shutting the room on their way out.

Jane sat on the empty space in the sofa that Rupert had vacated, and sighed deeply.

"What's wrong, Janey?"

"Oh Daisy! I hate my mother. I really, really hate her!"

The girl smiled sympathetically. "What's happened this time?"

"Nothing, but she suffocates me so, so much!" Jane exclaimed. "You know how she's been since Billy and I started."

"All parents are like that."

Jane shook her head. "Not your ma, Daisy. She seems to have accepted Rupert so well, and she doesn't even mind leaving the two of you alone, and with the door closed. That's because she trusts you, but my mother doesn't." Jane paused to catch her breath. "My parents can't even accept that Billy is courting me, and they've known him since he was a child. They even tried to stop me from saying goodbye to him."

"Janey, I have it easier because I'm the fourth daughter in this family. My eldest sister had to struggle against my parents' rules too, but she opened the path for the rest of us."

"I don't know, Daisy. You can't even start imagining what it's like being my mother's daughter."

The girl thought that Jane was exaggerating. Mrs. McCloud was a very amiable lady, and Daisy had always felt there was a good relationship between her friend and her ma. It was only when Jane had started seeing Billy Cross that the girl kept complaining about her parents, especially her mother. "Have your heard from Billy? Has he written to you?"

"Not yet," Jane muttered. She kept quiet for a while. Once again she sighed, and then surreptitiously glanced at the closed door, almost fearing somebody might walk in and surprise her.

"What's in your mind, Janey?"

The girl turned her eyes back to her friend, and whispered, "There's something I haven't told you, Daisy."

"I'm all ears."

Jane hesitated, unsure of how to put into words what she had to say. She breathed in and out several times, before she said in a soft voice, "Before Billy went, something… something happened between us."

Daisy's eyes almost popped out, instantly aware what her friend was talking about. "Oh Janey!"

Jane blushed and her hands came to cover her blushed cheeks, a gestured that copied one of her mother's. The two friends remained silent for a couple of minutes, and then Daisy dared to ask, "How… how was it? Did you… did you like it?"

"I don't know," Jane admitted truthfully in a soft voice. "My mind couldn't focus on… on… on that. Most of the time I was too worried we might be found out."

"How many times did you… well, you know?"

Jane lifted three fingers shyly. "I told him I didn't want to do it again after the first time, but Billy is pretty convincing."

"And handsome."

Jane grinned in agreement. "It's hard to resist him."

"That's why you're so nervous? Are you afraid your mother discovers what happened? Or are you worried that you might get into trouble?"

Jane shook her head. "Billy said we're fine, and I'm not worried. And my mother has nothing to do with this."

"If you say so…" Daisy replied, not really convinced by her friend's arguments. Yet, she was not going to say a word because when Jane went into a stubborn mood, there was nothing that would make her budge. Yet, she knew that there was something the matter with her friend. Daisy could not tell what it was, but this corrosive hostility towards her mother seemed to be out of place, and the girl could not help wondering what Jane really had in her mind.

* * *

The sound of laughter and whoops filled the house. Louise lifted her eyes from her sewing, and smiled as she noticed the cheerful faces of Matt and Jed as they played in a corner with Ike. Their liveliness and joy clearly contrasted with Jane's sullen countenance. The girl was sitting forlornly on the sofa, her arms folded over her chest, her forehead creased into a scowl, and her eyes looking troubled.

Louise shook her head, feeling frustrated with her daughter's recent attitude. Weeks had gone by since their disagreement, and Jane still acted so uncharacteristic and sore. For a while the girl had hardly talked to her, and when things had started to look up a bit, for some reason once again Jane had relapsed to long silences as if she were worried, angry, upset, or maybe everything together.

Lou's eyes moved to check on her fourth child. Virginia was crawling away from the blanket Lou had placed her on to play, and as the toddler reached the sideboard, she tried to rise to her feet by grabbing the knobs. Lou bit her lower lip as she refrained herself from rushing to her. Ginnie needed to be left alone to experience her first steps in everything. It was sad for Lou to realize that this was simply the initial evidence that her baby was cutting ties with her and did not need her for everything anymore. That independence would gradually widened day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, until it was so big that she could become nothing. It was in these moments that she longed for a baby again, an intense yearning that squeezed her heart overwhelmingly. Lou did not know if Ginnie would be her last child, but maybe she should be just content with her four jewels for the time being. Another child meant more expenses than they could afford. Kid already worked from dawn till dusk, and from time to time he did some farming jobs during harvest time. Their family could not complain; they had everything they could wish for, but that was thanks to all the hours Kid worked.

Ginnie finally managed to stand up, but her two short legs couldn't keep balance, and she fell on her backside. Lou then ran to her daughter, and scooped her up in her arms. "That's my clever girl," Louise cooed, and the toddler let out a giggle. As Lou retuned to the sofa, she heard Jane addressing Ike. "Has your brother written, Ike?"

Without averting his eyes from the wooden blocks he was playing with, the boy simply said, "I don't know."

Jane pulled a long face and did not say another word. Lou left Ginnie on the blanket again, and as she sat back on the sofa, she asked, "Is that was worries you, Janey? That Billy hasn't written?"

"I'm not worried," the girl replied without looking at her mother.

"Honey, I have eyes, and you haven't been yourself since Billy left." Jane shrugged her shoulders, and Lou added, "Why don't _you_ write to him? He must have been busy with classes and settling down."

"Maybe I'll do that," the girl muttered, but her odd, stiff expression did not go. It was not the first time she had considered that option, but the idea of actually filling a blank paper with her thoughts, worries and fears put her off. If only Billy wrote…

Louise studied her daughter's expression and opened her mouth to speak, but her attention was drawn away when the front door clicked open.

"Lou, look who's here!" Kid announced as he stepped inside.

Louise's mouth widened into a smile when she spotted Rachel walking behind her husband into the room. Without a word the two women joined in a hug, and except for Jane, who remained seated on the sofa, the three other children gathered around the adults. "When did you come back?" Lou asked.

"Yesterday," Rachel replied as she patted the three boys' heads in greeting.

"Did you bring us a present, Aunt Rachel?"

"Matt…" Lou chastised her son, and Rachel simply laughed.

"Naturally, honey," the woman replied, ruffling Mattie's hair. Her wide, bright grin unmistakably oozed sheer happiness. "I'll give them to you soon."

"I gather you enjoyed your time away," Lou remarked, matching her friend's smile with one of her own.

"It's been wonderful."

"We thought you'd never come back," Kid added teasingly. The time the newlyweds had planned to spend away had almost doubled, and six weeks had gone by before their return.

Rachel giggled. "I have so much to tell you. What if we have dinner together at my place on Friday? What do you say? Everybody else is coming."

Kid and Lou locked eyes in silent agreement, and then the Southerner said, "Friday's good."

"I imagine things have been pretty much the same around here," Rachel remarked, and then her eyes fell on Jane, who still remained seated on the sofa. Rachel raised a meaningful eyebrow to Louise.

Lou shrugged her shoulders and whispered, "Love matters… I guess."

Rachel nodded, unable to prevent her amusement from showing on her face. "Teenage girls in love. I have a pretty good idea what they are like," she said, gazing at Lou pointedly.

Louise had to giggle, sharing a look with her husband, who was blushing and smiling.

"I'll see you on Friday then," Rachel added, announcing her departure. "Bye, boys."

"Bye, Aunt Rachel," the three children echoed from where they had scurried away to a few minutes before.

"And goodbye to you too, Janey."

The girl did not reply, just looked at her indifferently. Instead another voice rose in the room. "Bye." The three adults smiled tenderly as they heard Ginnie's sweet voice and saw her little hand waving in Rachel's direction. The simply gesture made Lou's heart leap, and even felt like crying. Ginnie could already say some words spontaneously, but Lou could not stop marveling and being surprised every single day.

The toddler's ample smile stood out against her sister's bitter face. Things were so simply when her children were small, Lou thought. Why did they have to grow up? Jane had also been such a jovial, sweet baby and child, and she could be a charming girl when she wanted to. Lou wondered what she could do to make her daughter get out of her dark shell and open up to her. Even though she had told Rachel that Jane's attitude was simply due to matters of the heart, she felt that there was something else. Jane looked at Lou as if she resented her, as if she were her enemy, and at the same time a constant worry marred her featured. Louise just hoped this was just a fleeting thing teenagers had to go through because her daughter's attitude was really proving her nerves, and she was not sure how much she could take.

* * *

"And please accept my apologies once again, Mrs. Locke," Louise said as she walked with the woman to the door.

"It's fine. Don't mention it."

'_Don't mention it?'_ Lou wanted to cry. After pocketing almost as much as her husband made in two days, of course Mrs. Locke thought everything was fine. Who wouldn't feel otherwise? Despite her opinion, Lou simple curled up her lips in a hypocritical smile and bid the woman goodbye.

As soon as she closed the door, she swirled around and cried, "Matthew! Matthew, come here this minute!"

The nine-year-old slowly came out of the study when he sometimes did his school homework. He knew he was in trouble. Ma only called him Matthew when she was mad, and naturally Mrs. Locke's visit gave him a good clue what to expect.

The boy stopped in the middle of the living room, and hung his head low. He did not say a word, and Lou started, "Matt, Mrs. Locke came here to talk to me about you. What do you have to say about it?"

Mattie dared to lift his eyes. "When Ike and I were walking from school, we had an argument about who would be the best shot when we grow up."

"And you had not other option than try your aim by throwing stones to Mrs. Locke's tomato plants?"

"We were going through the Lockes' farm and well, they were there… it sounded like a good idea. It isn't easy to hit those growing tomatoes, but I won!" Matt explained, unable to hide the pride from his voice.

Louise sighed and breathed in as a way to control her anger. "Mrs. Locke said you ruined more than a few. That is money, Mattie! Who do you think had to pay for all those ruined tomatoes?"

"I'm sorry, Ma. It was Ike's idea, so his ma should pay his share too!" Matt replied. Ike had been cleverer than him, or maybe he had see Mr. Locke appear before Matt did. The thing was that Mr. Locke had caught him red-handed alone, and only then had he fled.

Lou sighed once again. Matt was right about Ike's parents taking responsibility too, but she could not even consider talking to Ellen about the matter. "And where was your sister when you were busting Mrs. Locke's tomatoes?"

The boy shrugged her shoulders. "She just kept walking."

Lou raised a finger to her son. "I'm gonna tell your father about this," Lou said menacingly even though she did not know why she bothered to threaten their children with the same too often. All their children knew that Kid was nothing to be afraid of. Actually, she often got angry with him because he sometimes was too lenient. "And young man, you won't get any pocket money for a month."

"A month?" the boy exclaimed in total shock.

"Thanks to you, we don't have much to spare."

The boy scowled unhappily, but did not dare to say a word. He returned to the study while Louise walked to the stairs, intending to ask Janey why she had not stopped the boys from getting into trouble.

"Janey!" Louise called in an energetic tone as she opened the door to her daughter's bedroom. The woman halted dead in her tracks, forgetting her initial intentions when she saw the girl lying in bed and sobbing. "Oh Janey, what's wrong?"

The girl lifted her head, and tried to calm down. She wiped her tears with her hands, and sat up. Louise approached, and believing that she knew what was happening, she said, "Honey, I know what going on in that little head of yours?"

"Do you?" Jane croaked.

Lou nodded, and sat next to her on the bed. "And I might have the medicine for your problems," Lou added with a smile, and pulled an envelope out of her skirt pocket. "I picked up this from town today," she said, placing the letter in her daughter's hand.

Jane recognized Billy's handwriting in her name printed on the front of the envelope. Glancing sideways at her mother, she noticed her ear-to-ear smile, but Jane kept a serious countenance as she ripped the envelope open. There was a single sheet of paper, written on just one side. Jane quickly read it. "He says he's fine, and misses me." The last part of the sentence came out in a sob, and thick tears poured from her eyes.

"Janey!" Lou exclaimed urgently. "What's wrong honey?" She wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulders affectionately as she added, "Pa and I are very worried about you. We know you're not acting yourself lately."

"I can't tell you," the girl wailed.

"Of course you can tell me, sweetheart." Louise cupped her daughter's face in her left hand and wiped her damp cheeks with her free hand. "What is it, honey?"

Jane kept quiet for a few seconds, and stared at her mother's warm eyes. This matter was driving her crazy, and even though she had told Daisy everything, that had not made her feel better. Telling Ma was a bad idea, but Jane really needed her reassurance, and hear her say that everything was fine, that there was nothing to worry about as she had heard her mother say so many times in her young life.

"Janey, please, what is it?"

"Ma…"

"Yes, honey?"

The girl breathed in deeply, and said in a very little voice, "I'm… I'm late… very late."

For a moment Lou stared at her confused, but as she noticed her daughter's embarrassment and her downcast eyes, she finally understood her words. Her body went rigid, her chest contracted painfully, and the air coming into her lungs seemed to suffocate her. Lou dropped her arm off her shoulders and crossed them over her chest as bitter cold coursed all over her. "Jane, tell me that what you mean is you're simply late for… for one of your damn assignments at school," Lou said in a voice that she could hardly recognize as her own.

The girl started weeping again. "Oh Ma, I'm sorry… I'm sorry."

Lou jumped to her feet as if the bed was burning her skin. "Sorry? Sorry?" she shrieked loudly. "You ain't even fifteen yet, Jane! How could you… how could you do something so stupid?"

"I know… I know," Jane wailed, keeping her tear-flooded eyes downcast.

"I already talked to you about this, and you said I had nothing to worry about! You promised there was nothing! How many lies do you keep telling us?"

"That wasn't a lie… then!"

"Don't you realize how damn serious this is, Jane! Do you even stop to think? This ain't just a game! This has consequences, terrible consequences!"

"I know, Ma! I'm sorry, so, so sorry!" Jane kept sobbing.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Lou cried out in a shrill voice, louder than she had ever been, and suddenly overwhelmed by the raw tide of bitterness bubbling inside her, she let out a deafening scream that boomed ominously all through the house.

Her scream was followed by the sound of running steps, coming closer and closer. "Lou! What's going on?" Kid asked in a strained voice as he darted into the room. He had been downstairs when he had heard his wife's desperate cry. Kid looked around and took in the scene before him. Lou's back was to him, but he could tell by her stiff shoulders that she was upset, and sitting on the bed, Jane was crying her eyes out.

Louise turned around towards her husband, and Kid gasped when he saw her face. The expression on her was like anything he had seen before. Her skin was flushed, her eyes shining with a cold, fiery kind of glow, and her whole face was contorted with anguish and even despair. Lou did not even look like Lou.

Kid swayed his eyes from his wife to his daughter, and panicked. "Lou?" he asked, fearing what she might say.

"Please don't tell him! Please Ma!" Jane begged among tears, and to her utter shame she saw Louise open her mouth to speak. Jane pressed her hands against her ears, incapable of enduring the humiliation, shame and embarrassment as tears cascaded down her cheeks. She saw her mother's lips move, and as she talked, her father's face paled. The more her ma spoke, the paler pa got, and the more violent her own sobs became. As Lou stopped and Kid turned his eyes to his daughter, Jane could not bear to see his disappointed look, and buried her face in the pillow as her muffled voice repeatedly cried over and over again. "No!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

Kid's glazed eyes lifted from his joined hands onto the horizon. A small speck could be spotted in the distance, and as the tiny moving shape came closer and became visible, his heart started thumping strongly when he recognized Lou on the wagon.

An hour ago, after Jane had calmed down, Louise had driven to town with the girl for a visit to the doctor. Kid had remained on the porch all this time, sitting on a rocking chair without averting his eyes from the horizon for one second. His lips kept muttering, praying, and cursing, but his mispronounced words hardly registered in his mind.

Kid shakily rose to his feet when the wagon pulled to a stop before the house. Janey jumped off the carriage and ran into the house without sparing a single look in his direction. In contrast, Lou took her time to ease off the wagon, and her steps were extraordinarily slow as she walked towards her husband. One look at her eyes, and he knew.

His body heavily sank down on the rocking chair, and his face lowered into his hands. He heard Lou's steps on the wooden floor of the porch and through the gaps between his fingers he could see her shoes and the bottom edge of her blue skirt. They remained in uncomfortable silence. Lou sighed, seeing her husband take the news as badly as she had, and in a strained voice, she just said, "Dr. Maxwell said he'd be discreet about it."

Lou took a few steps closer. Her hand touched his head, and her fingers ran through his hair comfortingly. Kid reached for her, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in her middle. Louise perched on his lap, hugging him tightly. His head in her chest, Lou could feel his quick breath against her and his trembling and soft muffled sounds told her he was weeping, and Lou's eyes also moistened. Louise had only seen her husband shed tears just on a few occasions, but she had never felt him so lost and despaired before.

Jane was the apple of Kid's eye; she was their first child, actually she had been their only child for years, a blessing that completed their small family. When Janey was born, Kid had never looked so happy, and he had doted on her since the first moment. She was his sweet girl, and not even the birth of their second daughter had ousted Jane's special place in Kid's heart. Lou could naturally relate to the pain her husband was feeling. Their baby… their sweet baby. Where had she gone? And who was this young girl? Suddenly, the innocence of childhood had disappeared, and they were lost, totally lost.

Kid lifted his wet eyes to his wife. "What are we gonna do now?"

Louise brushed his cheeks with her fingers and wiped his tears. A sad smile timidly set on her lips. "I don't know, Kid. I just don't know."

* * *

In her bedroom Jane was crying her eyes out. She lay face down on the bed, weeping, sobbing, and wailing. She could not stop the tears and the pain from wrenching her heart. Little by little the hurt that seemed to have no end came to a halt as her tears ran out.

Jane rolled over, and remained on the bed, splayed out with her arms stretched out and her eyes staring at the ceiling unblinkingly. Her mind replayed what had taken place at the doctor's office, and she wanted to die of sheer shame. Her mother had hardly said a word on the drive to and from town, and her silence had sent Jane over the edge. Yet, hearing her talk could have been worse.

Jane slipped out of bed, and opened the wardrobe door to look at her image in the mirror her father had attached in the inside at her request. Jane shook her head; she couldn't think of her pa or wonder how she was going to face him again. She adored him, and now she would hate to see his disappointed eyes again, the same pained eyes that had looked at her in this room just an hour ago.

Fresh tears appeared in the blueness of her eyes as she thought of her father. Furiously she wiped them dry, and focused her glance on her own image. She looked horrible; her eyes were red, swollen, and puffy; her face pale and haggard, and her hair all tousled.

Jane's eyes travelled down to her middle, and placed a tentative hand on her belly. Dr. Maxwell had confirmed her most dreaded fears. Jane stroked her middle in a futile attempt to feel something other than fear. Yet, she was devoid of all feelings. She could not really believe that a baby was growing in her womb because she did not feel anything.

Jane wondered if her mother had gone through the same vacuum when she had first become pregnant with her. Maybe it happened to all women. Yet, Jane suspected that things were not the same in her ma's case; there were too many differences between her and her mother. Ma had a husband, was years older, and Jane imagined that her own arrival had been longed for by both of her parents. Yet, here she was: alone, not yet fifteen, and facing more than she felt ready for.

Jane wondered how her life would change and what she should do now. Should she write to Billy and tell him? The mere idea filled her with fear. What would Billy say? Would he turn his back on her and ignore what was happening inside her body? Jane knew he couldn't do such a thing. Billy loved her, but… but what about his plans and perspectives? What about college? She couldn't ruin that for him. Yes, she didn't have the heart to do that. But… what about her? What about her own dreams? She had always wanted to have a formal education and train as a teacher. She loved books and children, and ironically, that dream would die because she was going to have a child of her own.

Jane couldn't understand how this had happened. Billy had said there was no danger, that they were safe, and she had believed him. This shouldn't be happening; it was a mistake. She couldn't have a baby, she couldn't, she couldn't! The words kept repeating in her mind, and once again the tears blurred her sight, finding herself looking at a strange, distorted image of her finger in the mirror. That was how she felt now… like a different person, like a strange deformation of her self, as if this wasn't her or her body. Her hand balled up into a fist, and she punched the shiny surface of the mirror powerfully. "I want my body back. I want my body back!" she cried over and over again as sobs and wails shook her soul, leaving her emptier than ever.

* * *

As soon as Rachel opened the door, the two young boys scurried inside with just a quick 'Hello, Aunt Rachel'. The blonde woman giggled amused, and turned to the boys' parents. Smiling a silent greeting, she directed her attention to the small girl in her father's arms. "Hi, Ginnie. Ain't you the most beautiful girl?"

"Hi," the toddler said, giggling at hearing her own voice and waving her little hand.

Rachel looked at Lou. "She seems to have mastered hi and bye. You're a clever girl, Ginnie," the woman remarked with a smile, which froze when she noticed Kid's and Lou's solemn seriousness. "Uh… let's go inside. Everybody else is already here."

As they walked into the house, Rachel realized she missed one of the McCloud children. "Where's Janey?"

"She stayed at home," Lou replied in a flat tone.

"Why? Is she still feeling out-of-sorts?" Rachel asked again, as she brought to mind the strange behavior in the girl when she had visited her friends a few days ago.

Kid and Louise shared a meaningful, tense stare before she replied, "Yeah, you could say that."

Not long afterwards Louise realized that they shouldn't have come to Rachel's. She wasn't in the mood to socialize, and it was obvious that Kid felt the same way. From her seating position on the sofa she could see her husband with the men. His body language and restless patting of his left foot were clear signs that he was making a supernatural effort to get himself thought the night. Teaspoon, Buck, and Ben talked and joked, but Kid simply kept nodding politely and his fingers held onto the glass in his hand so strongly that his knuckles had gone white. His mind was clearly not in this room, and Lou was sure the others had noticed his strange aloofness… they would have to be blind not to see what was so plain before their eyes.

Fortunately for her, Lou didn't have to pretend too much. Ellen and Rachel were still in the kitchen, and Louise had used the blessed excuse of feeding Ginnie to stay away from them. So after heating her daughter's food, she had sat alone in the living room while spooning the puree to her. Even when she finished with Ginnie, she would remind here. For once, she was glad of her disagreement with Ellen. Nobody would question her why she didn't join the women; they were all used to her cold ways to Buck's wife, and today she felt the coldest but for very different reasons.

'_We shouldn't have come_,' she thought for the umpteenth time. Glancing to the other end of the living room, she searched Kid again, and as if feeling her, he turned his gaze in her direction. Kid's eyes had never looked so grim and lifeless. In the short distance, Lou tried to give him an encouraging little smile, but all she managed was to scowl. His blue eyes were like a mirror in which she could look at herself all the time, and now what she saw in them scared her. Unable to endure the feeling, Lou closed her own eyes, and rested her head on the backrest while humming a sad lullaby to Ginnie, or maybe it was for herself.

She wished Kid could come to her and say they should go home. Any reason, any excuse would do, but she knew that would not happen. Her head was hurting, and all she needed now was to be alone and tolerate the same loneliness that Kid also needed. 'Let's go home, Kid,' she kept repeating inwardly, hoping he could hear her. Yet, instead of Kid's steps coming to her, what she heard was the sound of carefree laughter. Opening her eyes, Lou saw her two sons laughing and playing with Ike, and for the first time tonight she managed to smile. Her eyes shifted and found Kid looking at the boys too. Their gazes met again, and she realized he was still the mirror reflecting her own thoughts, and she knew he was thinking the same way as her.

Ginnie fell asleep in her mother's arms. The women announced that dinner was ready, so Lou left her sleeping daughter on the sofa, pushing a couple of chairs against it to prevent the toddler from falling. As she took her seat next to her husband at the dinner table, Teaspoon said, "Kid, you're very quiet tonight. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Kid replied in a tone that clearly implied the matter was not open for discussion. Lou squeezed his hand under the table, and she felt him relax some.

Ben started by proposing a toast to his new bride, and thanked everybody around the table for their friendship and support. After the toast, conversation flowed as food found its way to their bellies. The children ate fast and then ran to continue playing. Kid and Lou kept toying with the food in their plates, but did not actually eat a bite. Lou was sure that their silence, bleakness, and lack of appetite were making the others wonder, but after Teaspoon's question and Kid's curt answer, nobody dared to say anything else. Lou imagined that their friends must think she and Kid had had a fight and were not speaking to each other. She wished that was the case; she wished she and Kid had fought … if it were just that. A simple fight. That would be so easy, and it would not hurt so much.

Lou could not stop thinking about Janey. She looked around, and all she could see was her daughter's face everywhere, and every face was different and unique. Lou knew every single expression, every different smile, every mood, all the ways she laughed or frown, the timbres of her voice. She kept being flooded by all her images, and she felt like crying.

Jane was so, so young; she was still a child, and her bedroom was still full of dolls and toys. How can life turn everything so upside down? Janey did not even know what being a young girl was like, how was she supposed to be a woman all of a sudden? It wasn't fair.

Lou realized she had missed most of the conversation around the table. Rachel was beaming as she talked about her honeymoon, and her in-laws. Lou managed a sad smile, feeling happy for her, but unable to join her in a more genuine way. Buck and Teaspoon kept teasing her with their usual witty remarks, and Ellen laughed alongside the newlyweds. Lou stared at her friends with growing irritation. How could they laugh so carefree when their son had got Janey in trouble? They did not know, but that idea didn't make Lou less annoyed. 'Oh Buck, why did you have to marry Ellen and bring her and her son here? Why?' Lou wanted to shout, but realizing how insane that sounded, she regretted her own words, and even felt ashamed of herself.

"How have things been in Rock Creek in these weeks?" Ben asked.

"Just the same. Nothin' much goin' on," Teaspoon replied.

"Unchanged and boring," Buck added, confirming the marshal's words.

"And how's Billy doing, Ellen? Have you heard from him?"

Lou stiffened at Rachel's question, and oblivious to Louise's feelings, Ellen said, "He's written a couple of times. He says he misses us, and that college is even harder than he thought it would be, but he isn't worried. He's also making new friends; you know how outgoing and friendly he is. All in all, he sounds happy, utterly completely happy."

Ellen had hardly finished her words when to everybody's astonishment a raw, heart-wrenching wail sounded in the room ominously. Lou could not help the tears, and overcome by sobs and noticing all her friends' stares on her, she jumped to her feet and fled out of the house.

"Lou!" Kid called, and without a second's hesitation he ran after his wife. "Lou!" Darting out of the house, he found her miserable and crying into her hands in the middle of the darkness. Kid came to her, and drew her to him. "Oh Kid! Oh Kid! Oh Kid!" she kept repeating as she cried bitter tears against his chest.

"Lou, I know this is hard, but we can't despair."

"Why? Why my little girl? What have we done wrong with her? What? What?"

"I don't know, Lou," he replied, tilting her face to him and wiping her tears with his fingers much in the same way she had done to him a few hours before. "Maybe we didn't do anything wrong. What's the point of asking what has no answer?"

Lou agreed with a simple nod, and started crying again. "Take me home, Kid."

Kid nodded, and rushed back into the house alone. The living room was dead silent, and all looks turned to him when he stepped inside. "Lou's not feeling well, and we're going home," Kid muttered, aware that her friends must have heard most of the brief conversation he and Lou just had outside. The window was open, and he could still hear Lou whimpering.

"Son, is there anythin' we could do?"

Kid picked up Ginnie, careful not to wake her. "I'm afraid not. Thanks anyway, Teaspoon."

"Is Ginnie all right?" Rachel dared to asked, worried about Lou's despair about her little girl.

Kid adoringly looked down at her daughter sleeping in her arms. "Ginnie is an angel. She's fine. Please don't worry for us." Kid shifted his eyes to locate his two sons, who were now coming out from an adjacent room. "Boys, time to go home.

Matt and Jed voiced a few protests, but then they obediently followed their father's words. Kid apologized for cutting the night short, and bid his friends goodbye. Lou was already sitting on the wagon when he walked out. He passed the sleeping girl to Lou, and helped the boys settle in the back.

Kid drove the buckboard, looking at Lou sideways from time to time. The lack of voices or sounds coming from the back of the wagon obviously meant that the two boys had fallen asleep. "Are you all right?" Kid finally asked, breaking the lengthy silence.

"It ain't me you should be worried about," Lou muttered, looking down at her sleeping daughter and caressing her soft downy hair.

"I know."

Lou kept looking at her daughter. She looked so innocent, so untouched, so out of reach. Why did time have to change and destroy that purity? Her Janey had stopped being a baby long ago, and now she would become a mother. Her baby a mother? How was that possible? An unwed mother that would be pushed to the confines of hell when people would scorn and think of her as less than the beautiful angel she actually was.

Louise sighed. "I… I was thinking about us," she whispered and Kid gave her a curious look. "Thinking about what we used to do before we got married. You were always worried that something might happen."

"Yes, I was," Kid muttered, his eyes staring at the dark road stretching before him.

"Why did nothing happen, Kid?"

"I guess we were careful."

Lou shook her head. "No, we weren't, and we crossed the line of safety so many times. Why didn't it happen to me? Why did it have to happen to Janey? She ain't even fifteen."

"I know how old Jane is," Kid muttered acidly.

"Is this some kind of revenge from destiny… for the rules we broke back then? Why didn't it happen to me? We could have dealt with it… we were together, in love, and we were destined to be married. It should have happened to me, not my little girl."

"You would have panicked," Kid remarked. "You'd have resented me for putting you in that fix." Louise stared at him, wanting to deny his words, but she knew he was right. "Lou, why don't we stop torturing ourselves? I told you; there are questions that have no answer. We need to accept what's happening to Jane and live with it."

"Yeah…" Lou breathed, unconvinced.

"And we need to tell Buck and Ellen. They have to know."

"And then what?"

"Do the right thing… the only thing that's possible."

"What? Marry her off?" Lou exclaimed loudly, which made Ginnie stir in her arms, and Lou lowered her voice. "Kid, she was playing with dolls not long ago. How can she be somebody's wife? You know marriage ain't a bed of roses."

"And how can she be a mother, Lou?" Kid said pointedly. Louise averted her eyes, and he added, "What do you want then? Do you want her to be scorned, ignored, called names, and kicked out of what folks say is a decent society? Should she be condemned for her mistakes at such a young age? You know what it is like for single mothers. Do you want that for Jane?"

Lou shook her head. "I just want her to keep being my girl, my little girl, and live the life we always wanted for her… the life she would choose, not one imposed on her."

Kid nodded sadly. "I know, Lou. I know."

* * *

The morning sunrays slipped through the window, and Louise moved her hand to her forehead, shaping it like an awning, to shade the brightness that made her eyes sting. Her head hurt unbearably since she had not slept a wink all through the night, and she foresaw more sleepless nights like this one. Her third cup of coffee that morning stood before her, and she took a large swig. Hopefully, the brew would help her sail through her long day, and even though she knew coffee made her jittery, that was better than falling asleep in the middle of the day.

Matt had already gone to school, but she still had three other children to care for at home. Jed, who was still too young to go to school, was playing marbles in the yard by himself. Ginnie was contentedly eating a cookie in her high chair while her other hand held a doll by its already disheveled, messy hair.

Jane was still in her bedroom. This morning when Lou had tried to call her, still buried under the covers, the girl had gruffly said she didn't want to go to school. Lou had not said a word against it. With all certainty this was too upsetting for her daughter, and she also needed time to come to terms with her new condition, and one day at home would do her good. In any case, Jane would eventually have to drop out because it would be unthinkable she kept going to school when she started showing. _So many changes for her, poor baby,_ Lou thought.

A knock at the door boomed inside her head painfully. Louise downed the rest of her coffee before she slowly rose to her feet to open the door. Her eyes squinted against the sun until the outline and features of the persona t the door appeared clear to her gaze. "Ellen…" she let out in a surprised whisper.

"Lou… could… could we talk?" the woman asked hesitantly.

Louise nodded, and beckoned her to get inside. Ellen followed her into the kitchen, and as she took a seat the table opposite her, she carefully studied Louise. Her face was pale with very obvious rings under her glazed eyes, her lips were chapped and a scab stood out against her white skin just above her mouth. Ellen knew that from time to time Lou got sores when she was worried or stressed.

"Would you like some coffee?" Lou asked, and at Ellen's nod she poured her and herself two steaming cups of hot coffee. Lou noticed her neighbor's eyes on her, and after taking a sip of the black liquid, she said, "Do I look that bad?"

Ellen did not say anything, and simply kept staring at Lou. At home she had mentally rehearsed what she would tell Louise if she let her, but now she felt tongue-tied. Maybe because she had hoped Lou would send her packing like other times. "Lou," she finally started, "we… we've been at odds for too many months, but I ain't here to ask you to forgive me again." Louise lowered her eyes uncomfortably, and drank from her cup again. "I… I got worried last night. Believe it or not, I still care for you as a friend. I know what you think of me, but I'm here if you need anything."

Lou could hear the sincerity in her voice, and tears welled up in her eyes. "Thank you," she said thickly. "I appreciate your concern."

Ellen dared to place her hand over Lou's. "I ain't asking you to tell me anything you don't want to tell me, but you know it always helps to talk about problems."

Lou nodded, wiping her eyes with a handkerchief. "I should really tell you… you need to hear about this."

"I'm here, Lou."

Lou gulped, folded her arms and rested them on the table. "It's… It's Janey. She… she… she's with child," she finally blurted out. Ellen's astonishment was instant, and Lou exclaimed, "Oh God! It sounds so, so wrong! My little girl with a child!"

Ellen could not hide the shock from her face, and soon the implications of what Lou was saying dawned on her. Her body shuddered, and when she spoke, her voice trembled. "Janey? Janey and my Billy?" Lou shot her a cold glare, and Ellen shook her head in a silent self rebuke. "Yeah, of course, of course. How silly of me! Me and my foolish mouth."

Lou's tense expression softened. "I understand. It's hard to believe."

Ellen nodded, still trying to digest what Lou had said. "I know this is a dumb question, but… how are you feeling about all this?"

Lou sighed. "Ellen, you know, in my life I've had to go through very hard moments… things I wish had never happened, but this… this is by far the worst. I kept hoping it's a nightmare, but it isn't. This is killing me, Ellen."

"And how's Janey?"

Lou shrugged her shoulders. "She's been in bed since she told me… You know me, and I reacted too strong. She won't talk or see anybody. I left some breakfast for her this morning, and I'm not sure she's eaten a bite. I should have controlled my temper better."

"Any mother would have reacted the way you did."

"But you haven't," Lou remarked pointedly, referring to the calm way Ellen seemed to be taking this news.

"That's because my son ain't here. And I guess my mind's still trying to accept it."

"And because he's a boy," Lou added.

Ellen frowned. "A boy or a girl? What's the difference?"

"Oh there's a big difference!" Lou exclaimed in an irritated voice. "Whether she wants it or not, Jane's stuck with the little goodbye present your son left her with! Meanwhile, Billy is blissfully ignorant, making friends, aiming high, and being utterly, completely happy! Lou continued sarcastically, mimicking Ellen's words from the previous night. "He just has to walk away and forget there was ever a Jane McCloud, and nothing will change for him, but my daughter can't walk away."

"Lou, you're being unfair!" Ellen retorted in a loud tone. "Billy's a good boy, and he won't shirk his responsibilities! You know that!"

"A good boy, yes. Whenever I look at my daughter now, all I can think is what a good boy Billy is!" Lou continued in the same acid tone.

"Don't you dare put the blame just on my son! It takes two to dance, or are you implying that Billy took advantage of Janey?"

Ellen's angry words took Louise aback. Her own frustration pushed her to find someone to blame. She was out of line, but her pride prevented her from taking a step backwards. "I don't know what happened between them. I wasn't there."

Ellen shook her head as she rose to her feet. Walking to the door, she stopped and turned to Lou. "I'll talk to Buck tonight, and we'll write to Billy. You'll see, my son will respond as he should."

"Don't tell him anything."

Ellen stared at her, annoyed and confused. "What?"

"I think Janey should tell him, nobody else."

Ellen just shrugged her shoulders, and without another word, she walked out.

* * *

Buck paced up and down his dining room nervously. After dinner when Ike had gone to bed, Ellen had dropped the shocking news about Jane and her condition. Naturally, Buck could never have imagined what his wife would be telling him tonight, and now he understood why Kid had been so subdued and even aloof for the last couple of days. After Lou's outburst the night before, Buck had thought that something was brewing in his friends' household, so he had asked Kid about it. Yet, the Southerner had simply said they would talk sometime later, and walked away, but what Buck couldn't guess was that Kid's problem was also his.

Sitting at the table, Ellen watched her husband pacing frantically, and muttering unintelligible words, a mixture of English and Kiowa that made no sense to her. "Buck, please, stop it. You're making me nervous."

The Kiowa stilled his motions, and sank down on a chair across from his wife. "They'll have to get married, won't they?"

"What else then?"

Buck sighed. "And Billy will have to leave college… all his plans and all the money we've already spent will go to waste."

Ellen shrugged her shoulders. "At least, we could offer him the money we saved for his education. He's gonna need it to support a wife and a baby. In any case, he'll have to find a job."

Buck shook his head thoughtfully. "I don't think Billy's ready to be a husband and a father to boot. He's too young and immature."

"He'll have to grow up quick and fast," Ellen replied. "If he thinks he's old enough to get involved in an adult relationship, he has to be ready to accept the responsibilities of his acts."

"Aren't you too hard on him, Ellen?"

"I love my son," the woman replied. "But this was beyond wrong. He's ruined all the opportunities life was offering him."

"Ellen, he's young and in love. I ain't defending what he did, but I understand him."

"He's too young," Ellen pointed out. "And so is Jane McCloud."

"That doesn't mean they can't make it work," Buck added. "Billy told me once that Jane is the love of his life, and one day she'd become his wife."

"I like Janey," Ellen said in soft voice. "She's a nice girl, but I'm not so happy about ending up related to the McClouds!" the woman ended in a loud voice.

Buck stared at his wife as if she had lost her mind. "Ellen, where did that come from?" he exclaimed, totally thrown by her outburst.

"Let me correct that. I'll be sorry to be related to that woman… to your friend!" Ellen snarled, banging a fist on the table.

Buck rolled his eyes in an impatient gesture. "Oh come on, Ellen. Don't start."

"You should've been there and heard her talk about our son!" she said, her voice trembling with sheer anger. "I went to her, and like a fool I offered her my friendship and understanding, and all she did was to put Billy down."

"I don't think you can take Lou's words too seriously now. She's the kind of person who just blurts out what is in her mind in the heat of the moment. Her very young daughter is with child, and I can understand she has more than reservations about the boy who got Janey in trouble."

"Are you defending her? I can't believe this!" Ellen exclaimed, staring at her husband as if she was seeing a ghost.

"Hold your horses, honey," Buck replied, stretching his arm across the table and taking her hand in his. "I ain't defending her. All I'm saying is that I can understand where her rage comes from."

"I'm sorry for Billy," Ellen continued. "I'm sure she's gonna give him a hell of a time. Mark my words, Buck Cross. If she does anything to hurt my son, she'll have to respond to me."

Buck smiled sadly. He hated being in the middle of this latest war between his wife and Lou, and now with all this, things might take a turn for the worse. He and Kid had tried to ignore the issues between their wives, but it wasn't easy at all.

Buck stared at Ellen, and smiled again. "Billy will be fine. With you as his mother, who could dare to hurt him?"

* * *

That night Janey decided to leave her reclusion and join her family at the dinner table. No words came out of her mouth, and she simply kept her eyes focused on the food in her plate. She did not dare to look at her parents, but she could feel their eyes on her all through dinner. They did not say much either, and simply answered her brothers' questions and remarks, or urged them to eat. For once in her life Jane was glad that her two brothers were two little chatter-boxes because right now silence would be too unbearable.

When dinner was over, Louise quickly disappeared into the kitchen, but tonight Jane did not follow her to help with the dishes like she usually did. Kid told the boys to start clearing the table, and when Jane muttered permission to be excused, Kid said, "One moment, honey. Can we have a word before you turn in?"

Janey did not want to talk to her father, but she could not refuse, and simply nodded. Kid rose to his feet, and beckoned his daughter to follow him to the dining room. Kid sat on the sofa, and patted the place beside him. Jane sank down in the seat reluctantly, and for a few minutes they remained in silence.

"How are you, Janey?" Kid finally asked.

"I… I don't know. I guess… confused, ashamed, and scared."

"You know you ain't alone, honey," Kid replied. "This ain't a sweet bite for your mother and me, but somehow we'll get through it."

"Ma was very angry; she hasn't said a word to me in two days."

"You know what your mother is like, Janey. She needs time because it ain't easy for her at all."

"It ain't easy for me either, Pa! It's my body and my problem, not hers!"

Kid shook his head with slow motions. "You're wrong there. Whatever happens to you affects your mother and me because we love you. No matter what happens, no matter what you do, we'll always love you."

"I know I haven't acted right," Jane muttered, lowering her eyes. "I'm really sorry, but I guess it's already too late for regrets."

Kid placed a finger under her chin, and made her meet his eyes. "Janey, you're a clever girl. Let us help you."

Jane's eyes welled up, hearing the tender way her father talked to her. Any other father would have kicked her out, or at the very least wouldn't talk to her for months. That was what she loved about her father; he took everything so calmly, and whenever she did something wrong, instead of giving her an angry lecture, he always tried to reason with her. "You're the best father anybody could have," she whispered. "Why can't Ma be like you?"

"Janey, don't be so hard on your mother. Just talk to her; you know she's a reasonable woman, but she's hurting, that's all. You're lucky to have her as a mother, and 'we' are lucky to have you."

Jane pulled a long face, showing her skepticism. "Lucky? You feel lucky? Even now?"

"Always, sweetheart, always," Kid stated in a melancholic tone. His eyes stared at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. This young lady before him was his daughter, the baby he had first held in his arms almost fifteen years ago, and felt like it was yesterday. It was incredible how fast time passed; he could hardly recognize his Janey. Kid shook his head, and whispered, "Why did you have to grow up, Janey?"

"Pa, please…"

"Forgive me. Don't mind your silly, old father," he said as he rose to his feet. Bending over he placed a kiss on top of her head. "Good night, honey. I'll go help your ma with your dishes. You have your rest."

As Kid walked away, Jane wrapped her arms around herself as a cold feeling ran up her spine. It was strange. She felt like the luckiest and most miserable person in the world right now. She did not know where her road would lead her. It was not just her anymore. There was her baby too, and she knew she wasn't alone. Pa had told her, and she should feel better, but then why did she feel so lonely and sad all of a sudden? Why?

* * *

Like every morning Matt took his pail from the kitchen table, and the first thing he noticed today was that there was not another one next to his like usual. His mother was doing the breakfast dishes at the sink, and after grabbing his pail, he walked up to her for a kiss before leaving for school.

"You're leaving, honey?" Lou asked, drying her hands on a tea towel. The boy nodded, looking more solemn that Lou was used to. She bent down and kissed his cheek. "Have a good day, Mattie." The boy did not move, but kept staring at his mother. "Is there something on your mind, honey?" Lou asked, ruffling his soft, sandy hair.

"Isn't Janey coming to school today either?"

Lou shook her head sadly. "No, not today."

"Why? Is she sick?"

"No, she ain't sick."

"But she didn't have breakfast with us today either," Matt insisted.

"Yes," Lou sighed, and noticing the hollow look in her son's eyes, she forced herself to smile and brushed her hand against his cheek. "Honey, you don't need to worry. Jane's fine, but she's gonna stay at home for a while."

"And what should I say if the teacher asks me?"

"Just tell Mr. Jameson I'll go talk to him soon."

Matt finally nodded even though he was not satisfied with his mother's vague answers. Louise gave him another kiss and said, "Be a good boy at school, all right?"

When Mattie was already gone, and Louise finished with the dishes, she placed a glass of milk and a plate of cookies on a tray, and started up the stairs. Jane's door was ajar, and before Lou pushed it open, she called, "Janey, I've brought you something to eat."

Without waiting for her daughter to speak, Lou walked in and found the girl, fully dressed and sitting before her desk. Mother and daughter locked eyes, and then Louise placed the tray on the desk.

"You shouldn't have bothered," Jane said unkindly.

"You need to eat, honey. You ain't doing yourself any favors if you don't eat properly."

Jane did not say anything, and simply drank the glass of milk, and started nibbling a cook. Lou sat on the neatly made bed, watching her daughter in silence. "How are you feeling, Janey? Do you ever feel sick?"

Jane shook her head. "Not really."

Having this conversation was not easy for Lou, but she tried to act as normal as she could. Like Kid had said, they had to make an effort and accept what they had now in their plate. "That… uh… you should be relieved. When I was expecting you, I was as sick as a dog, and it was almost the same with Matt and Jed, but not with Ginnie."

Jane continued eating her cookies quietly. Lou also kept silent, thinking how absurd it was to talk so casually to her fourteen-year-old daughter about her pregnancy. They needed to figure out what was going to happen now.

"What do you think, Janey?" Lou finally asked.

The girl lifted her eyes and looked at her with a clueless expression. "About what?"

"About the weather!" Lou exclaimed sarcastically. "What else? Janey, please. Talk to me. What's in your mind about all this? You know things are gonna change, and I want you to know how you feel about it."

Jane shrugged her shoulders in indifference. "I don't know. I haven't thought much about it."

"Don't you think it's time you stopped to consider what is in store for you? The situation won't disappear just because you ignore it."

"I know, Ma!" Jane replied, starting to feel annoyed.

"The first thing you should do is write to Billy and tell him."

"Ma, stop telling me what I have to do!" Jane retorted loudly. "Whether I tell Billy or not is only my concern. Please stay out of my matters."

"Don't you realize that if you don't tell him, his parents will?"

At Lou's words Jane stared at her mother in total horror. "You told Billy's parents?" the girl roared angrily. "How dare you? You have no right to meddle in my life!"

"I'm your mother!"

Jane rose to her feet, trembling with sheer anger. "I'm not a silly child! Stop treating me like one!"

Louise stood up as well, and placed a firm hand on her shoulder, stopping Jane's frenetic pacing. "No, you're not a child. You went out of your way to prove you're not one!"

Jane swatted her hand off her shoulder gruffly. "Stop pestering me! Stop talking to me! Stop it, just stop it!"

"Jane, you're underage, and as long as you're under our roof, you'll have to heed your father and me!"

"Then maybe I'll have to go and live somewhere else!"

"Oh please! Jane, stop this nonsense. We're just worried about you, and…"

"Leave me alone! Just leave me alone!" Jane cried, running out of the bedroom, slamming the door closed. Louise remained there, sighing tiredly. Jane was being impossible as of lately, and Lou was at her wits' ends. How on earth could she deal with her daughter when she threw a tantrum when she tried to talk to her? Lou admitted she was an easy prey to irritation, and all this had upset her too much. She knew she could keep a cold head because she was the adult here. Yet, she felt this was more than she could cope with coolly. Jane was surely suffering because of this matter, and Lou wanted to help her. But how could she do that if whenever she came closer, her daughter acted like a porcupine and pulled out her spines?

* * *

Kid pulled the reins, stopping the wagon just in front of his house. Once on the ground he gave Jed a hand to jump off the carriage while Louise eased off, carrying Ginnie in her arms. The family had gone to town for some provisions, but naturally Jane had refused to join them, and stayed behind.

Kid started unloading the wagon while Louise took the children into the house. Jed quickly went back to his notebook and continued drawing as he had been doing before going to town. Lou securely left Ginnie on her high chair, and gave her doll to play with before walked out again to help her husband.

"Is it me? Or are we getting more and more food every week?" Kid remarked lightly when Louise joined him.

"The children keep growing up," Lou replied with a smile, and realizing what she had just said, she added, "Too fast unfortunately in some cases."

Kid stopped the sack of flour on the wagon bed again, and came closer to her. "Don't worry, all right?" he said, softly pinching her cheek. "I know how hard this is, but we'll find the way."

Lou gave him a sad smile, and as she shifted her eyes, she noticed Ellen approach. Nudging Kid, Lou tilted her head to the woman. Ellen greeted them awkwardly when she finally got to them, and then she started, "I'd like a word with you two if you don't mind."

Kid nodded, and Lou let out a sigh before she added, "I'm glad you took the first step now, Ellen. I really need to apologize. What I said about Billy was inexcusable. My daughter is as responsible as he is, and despite everything, we love him. I'm sorry, Ellen. I really lost it."

"We were both nervous, and it's logical, given the circumstances."

"Thanks for your understanding," Lou said, awkwardly stretching her arm to Ellen in a sign of peace. For a moment Louise held her breath, wondering if her friend would refuse her, but thankfully Ellen took her hand, reaffirming her previous words.

Relief washed over Kid as he witnessed the exchange between Ellen and his wife. Their too long fall-out had affected al the family even though nobody was ready to admit to that. It was high time they sorted out their matters. Lou was certainly very proud, but he knew his wife was also generous and had a golden heart, and this thing with Ellen had been going on for too long.

"Now we need to stick together," Kid remarked with an awkward smile.

Ellen nodded, and her smile faded. "I… this ain't what I came here for. I wanted to talk to you about something else… about Janey."

"Janey?" Lou echoed questioningly.

"She… she's at my place right now," Ellen muttered uncomfortably, and noticing her friends' confused stared, she continued, "She came over when you were in town. She was very upset because of a fight she said you had this morning," Ellen added, addressing Louise.

"What else, Ellen?"

"She… she asked me… well, she actually demanded I took her in because she was not wanted at home."

"What?" both Kid and Lou exclaimed together.

"She kept saying I had to let her in the house because she was carrying my grandchild. I tried to persuade her to talk you, but she's stubborn, you know. She threatened with leaving Rock Creek on her own if I turned her away."

"This… this is unbelievable," Lou exclaimed unhappily. "What the hell does this silly girl have inside her head? Straw?"

"She's just a teenager with a humungous problem," Ellen tried. "I'm sure that whatever you and she argued about, she must have taken it wrong, and reacted too strongly. Maybe if she stays at our place for a few days, she'll calm down."

Lou paused to consider what Ellen was suggesting, but suddenly a sharp 'no' sounded next to her. She turned to look at her husband. His set jaw and the strange glow in his usually calmed eyes clearly shouted how angry and distraught he was. Before Lou could react, Kid moved and stalked towards Buck and Ellen's house.

The two women shared a brief glimpse before they rushed after Kid, reaching the house just seconds after him. When they bolted inside, they were met by his loud summons. "Jane! Come here right now! Jane!"

Hearing her father's voice, the girl came down the stairs, and her countenance showed how surprised she was to find her father there, especially sounding so miffed. When Janey reached the living room, Kid added in the same angered tone, "Jane, pick up your things and let's go home!"

The girl folded her arms in a defensive way. "I'm sorry, Pa, but no! I'm not going back where I'm not wanted!"

"What are you saying, Janey? Do you actually hear yourself?"

"Pa, I'm not saying anything against you, but Ma… Ma doesn't want me at home. She's ashamed of me!"

"That ain't true! Where do you get that from?" Lou exclaimed. "Please, Janey, be reasonable!"

"I ain't talking to you!" the girl retorted angrily, turning her eyes away from her mother, and despite her previous words, she kept talking without looking at her mother. "You do everything to make me unhappy and guilty for being myself! Nothing I do is right by you! Stop suffocating me and let me live!"

After Jane's passionate, angry speech, Lou was so shocked and hurt that she could hardly react. A glacial cold ran throughout her body, and she wished the earth would open up and swallow her forever. However, all she managed to do was to turn on her heel, and shaking and upset, she walked away, slamming the door closed behind her.

"I hope you're proud of hurting your mother! When did we teach you to talk in such a shameful way to those who deserve your respect? I can't believe it's my daughter saying those callous words to her mother!"

"I didn't disrespect her, Pa. I only said how I feel… how she makes me feel, but I'd have known you'd take her side."

"There are no sides, Janey! This is a family, and I happen to be your father, and the person who knows your mother the best. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way."

"I don't think that's fair," Jane insisted stubbornly.

"We'll talk more about it at home."

"No, Pa! I'm not going home! I'm staying right here. You won't change my mind!"

Kid threw his arms to the sky in sheer frustration. "Do you think you can show up at somebody's doorstep just like that, and expect to be fed and clothed for free?" he exclaimed, resorting to anything to make his daughter give up on this insane idea of hers.

"Uncle Buck and Aunt Ellen have a duty to me because I'm carrying their grandchild, which is yours too. You should all look after me, whatever I decide, because we all want this baby to be fine!"

With those last words Jane twirled around and scurried up the stairs. Kid remained on the spot, looking as if somebody had beating him to a pulp, and directed his lifeless eyes to Ellen, who had kept quiet and visibly uncomfortable in this family disagreement. "I'm… I'm sorry, Ellen."

"This ain't your fault, Kid."

"She… she doesn't sound like my daughter at all."

"I know," Ellen replied. "Just let her stay here for a few days, and she'll come round, I'm sure. After all, she ain't exactly at the other end of the world, just of the yard we share."

"Thanks, Ellen."

"And please tell Lou not to worry. Janey can't have meant what she said. It's a teenage thing. When I was her age, I wasn't too good to my mother either. We all had to go through that time in life, so we need to be more understanding with Jane, especially in her present situation. Lou surely remembers her own teen years."

Kid made a bitter gesture. "Yes, she does… Lou does remember that time. Unfortunately, she does." Ellen looked at him with a confused frown, but Kid did not elaborate or tried to explain his words. "Thanks again, Ellen," was all he said before walking out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4 **

"I'm home!"

Matt's loud voice was instantly reprimanded by Jed, who tried to hush his brother by making a shushing sound, and bringing his small index finger to his lips. "You're gonna wake Ginnie, Mattie!"

Matt casually glanced at the cot a few feet from where he stood. Like Jed had said, their young sister was sound asleep, a thumb stuck on her mouth, her chubby legs flexed against her chest, and her body curled up into a ball. Matt thought how boring babies like Ginnie were. Most of the time, all she did was eat and sleep. At least, now that she was not so little anymore, she did not cry so much. Matt remembered her loud, annoying wails in the house not too long ago, and when she cried during the night and nobody could sleep, she was such a nuisance.

Matt carelessly left his books and pail on top of a chair, and approached his brother, who was perched on his knees on a chair while drawing. "Where's Ma?" Mattie asked, casually glancing at the shapeless drawing Jed was so intent to make.

"Upstairs."

The nine-year-old slowly made his way up the stairs, and headed for his parents' bedroom. The door was closed, but he was pretty sure that was where his mother was. She often escaped to her bedroom when she had some mending and sewing to do since it was the most luminous and warmest place in the house. Matt turned the knob, and opened the door a crack. His motions froze instantly when he head sniffing and whimpering, and through the narrow gap between the door and its frame, the boy could see his mother. She was lying on the big bed, curled up almost in the same way as Ginnie, and her body was shaking as she sobbed.

Matt paused for a few seconds. However, he finally pushed the door open, and with slow steps, shuffled across the floor. Standing next to the bed, his small size hovered over his mother's sad figure, and after sadly watching her for a few moments in silence, he dared to touch her moist cheek in a soft caress. "Mama…"

Louise had not noticed Matt's presence, and when she heard his voice and felt his touch, she tried to pull herself together. "Matt, honey," she croaked, pushing half her body up, using her right hand.

"Mama, please, don't cry."

"I'm okay, honey… just a bit sad," Louise muttered, wiping away the remainder of her tears and trying to choke back those which stubbornly pushed behind her eyelids.

The boy impulsively lunged himself against her, hugging her, and clambering onto the bed. Lou held him and kissed the top of his head. "Oh my boy! Oh my boy, I love you!" she whispered, feeling emotional beyond measure.

"I love you too, Mama," Matt said against Lou's chest in a muffled voice.

Despite her pain, Lou smiled. Her arms kept holding her son as her mind was transported to other times, and almost unaware of her actions, she started to hum a lullaby she had sang to all her children when they were babies. In spite of the melodious humming, Louise felt tortured by bleak thoughts. At what point had her eldest daughter drifted away? Where had she failed as a mother to let this happen?

Lou wondered whether she had paid more attention to her three younger children, and as consequence Jane had felt neglected. Maybe that was the reason why she was now in big trouble and so out of reach. Until these last few months Lou had thought she and her eldest daughter were close, and had a good, special relationship. Naturally, they had disagreements, but all in all, there had never been too serious problems, that is, until now. Had all their mother-and-daughter conversations meant nothing? Hadn't Jane learned anything from her at all?

Remembering Janey's angered face and words in Ellen's house sent a stabbing pain right to her heart. Did this mean she had lost her daughter? How had she made it happen? Was this what she had always feared when she first got pregnant… that she would never be a good mother?

Heavy steps resounded in the room, and Lou instantly knew it was her husband. Lou raised her eyes to his hovering figure, and Kid smiled sadly. Sitting up, she brought her son up with her into an upright poison. "Matt, why don't you go and play with Jed? I'll follow in a moment, and make you something to eat, all right, honey?"

Matt nodded, and turning his eyes to his father, he said, "Ma's sad."

"Mattie, please," Lou let out in a slightly scolding tone.

Kid ruffled his son's hair. "I know Ma is feeling a bit down, buddy, and that's why I'm here in the middle of the day… to cheer her up. Please don't worry."

Matt finally walked out of the bedroom while Kid sat on the bed next to his wife. The pair remained silent for a few moments. "He's such a good boy," Lou finally broke the silence; her voice heavily laden with sadness. "Naughty and a handful more often than not, but he's all heart. I just hope I don't end up ruining him too."

"Lou, please, don't take what Janey said to heart," Kid exclaimed, reaching out for her hand. "She's just going through a strange time like most teenagers, and she's even more upset and rebellious because of these special circumstances she's living."

"What am I doing wrong, Kid? You know me better than anybody else… as a friend, as a lover, as a wife, as a mother, as everything… Where have I failed as a mother to Janey?"

"Don't do this to yourself, Lou. You're an excellent mother… and I couldn't wish for anybody else but you to be the mother of my children. Jane's just angry, maybe with herself. Neither you nor I are perfect parents, but we've done everything for our children… way more than we got to have as children."

"Jane adores you," Lou pointed out. "And there in Buck's house she looked at me as if I were the devil itself."

"Lou no… Janey loves you. How can she not? Please don't let this matter make you doubt yourself. Jane ain't right at all; she's too young to understand and appreciate you. This matter with her pregnancy is more than she can cope with, and her anxiety makes her out of control and attack whoever is easily in her sight, and that is you."

"I don't like what's happening… it scares me."

"I know," Kid replied, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. "It's hard, but let's do what Ellen says. If Janey wants to live there, let her be. Soon her irritation will blow over, and we'll have her back in just a few days. You'll see."

* * *

Kid's optimism proved to be wrong. A whole week passed tortuously, and Jane was still adamant in her anger, and refused to go back home. Like they had agreed, Kid and Lou had stood aside and let her have the time and space she might need to reconsider what she was doing. Yet, when the days succeeded, they realized their daughter was too stubborn to admit her mistake and budge. Kid tried to talk to her several times, but he did not manage to change her mind.

Things at home were not easy. Jane's absence was too noticeable, and the implications and reasons behind it were too painful. Matt and Jed kept asking why Jane was not living at home, and Kid tried to answer their curiosity as best as he could. Since the beginning of their marriage he and Lou had agreed never to lie to their children, but this time Kid just didn't know what to say to his boys. This was something he needed to discuss with Lou. They would eventually have to tell them that Jane was pregnant, but Kid was not sure how to tackle the matter and answer all the questions that with all certainty would ensue. Lou would know how to deal with it better, but right now she was not in her best moment. She was in a state of constant melancholy, and even though she tried to appear and act around their other children as carefree and calm as usual, Kid knew what that external façade actually hid inside.

The only good thing was that Janey was not too far from them. They did not see her too much since the girl just remained inside Buck's house all the time, and when Kid had gone and tried to talk to her, she had refused and ran to the room she now stayed in as soon as she saw her father appear. Kid did his utmost to remain calm in this messy situation, especially for Lou's sake, but he was reaching the limit of his patience. He did not understand what his daughter wanted or intended with her attitude, and it was too excruciating to see her act as if she did not have a family at all.

At least, in this mess Kid felt relieved that Jane was with Buck and Ellen, who were their closest friends and would treat the girl as if she were their daughter. Buck was like a brother to him, and Kid knew he and Ellen would take good care of Jane. In these difficult days Buck kept assuring him not to worry because Jane was fine and would eventually come around. Actually, Buck had tried to talk to her, and asked her why she didn't want to go home. That conversation had not gone well, according to Buck. Jane had reacted harshly, menacing to flee somewhere else if she was not welcomed in his house.

Kid could not stop thinking about Jane for one second, and he knew it was the same for Lou. As he now finished mucking out the last stall, he kept wondering why Jane had such a difficult character to deal with. Kid had always thought Jane took after her mother in so many ways, and it was true that the girl was very similar to Lou, but they were also too different in their ways to react to life. Lou's temper was something to fear, but she normally did not stay angry for too long, and was ready to admit she was wrong. Yet, when Janey got into one of her moods, she held onto her feelings like a barnacle to a rock. Maybe it was because Jane was very young, and all her experiences and reactions magnified in her own world.

Kid knew his confidence was staggering and weakening, and he was starting to ask himself the same questions Lou had posed a week ago. What had they done wrong with Janey? Kid was certain that both he and Lou had given their offspring all the love they well deserved, but maybe they had missed on something. Perhaps it was what Lou always said: he was too soft with the children. That could be his fault, and the reason of all the problems with Janey.

Gloomy and miserable, Kid dragged his body and the pail of dirt from the stables to the big crate outside. As he dumped the contents of the pail, in a reflect act, the Southerner directed his eyes to where Buck's house stood. As luck would have it, he caught sight of Jane behind a window. Kid stared at her from the distance, and his hand rose in a wave, but much to his chagrin, the curtain was suddenly drawn, hiding the girl from his view.

Jane sighed as she turned away from the window. She really missed her father, and even her mother, but the image of him so close and so far at the same time was too much to behold. Despite his feelings, she could not go back home. The situation had reached a non-return point. Jane felt too hurt and humiliated, and all she wanted was to prove to her mother she was no child and could look after herself. She could actually live without her overbearing presence, and one day her mother would have to admit she had been wrong. Jane could bet her mother must have believed that after a day or two away she would run back home, begging for forgiveness. This would show her how mistaken she was.

A week had passed, and Jane did not regret her decision for one second. She could survive on her own, and living at Uncle Buck's was even better than at home. Jane did not have to obey her mother's annoying demands and recommendations, or bear her two brothers' chitchat, questions, and childish behavior. Her Uncle Buck and Aunt Ellen let her be most of the time, respecting her silence and decisions, and Ike was not such a nuisance as her own brothers.

Jane had every intention to remain in this house for as long as she could. Nothing could make her return home. That would mean her failure to her mother's eyes, and Janey could not allow that. She planned to fulfill all her new responsibilities. Having a child was not something she had desired, but since there was nothing she could do, she would have to be up to her new situation. When the baby was born, she would look after it, and she would do just fine.

The idea of having her own child gradually appealed to her more and more. She could be a good, young ma to her baby; naturally, she wouldn't be like her own mother: controlling, possessive, irritating… No, her child would be lucky to have her, and there was nothing to be afraid of. She could cope with motherhood well enough; after all, she had already helped her mother with Jed and Ginnie when they were small babies. Now it couldn't be much more difficult. Ma could see she could do everything on her own, and if she needed some help at some point, she would ask Aunt Ellen because with all probability the baby would spend lots of time with its paternal grandparents since she now lived with the Cross's.

At this point Jane wondered whether she would still be living here when the baby was born. In fact, she did not have a very clear idea what her plans were. She still had not written to Billy because actually she did not want to tell him. Jane knew that sooner or later Billy would learn about it, but for the time being he'd better remain in the dark. Jane was not sure how Billy would eventually react to the news. Maybe he would think this was not his problem, and would continue with his new life unbothered. It wouldn't be the first man who left his girl in trouble in the lurch. Yet, Jane was convinced that Billy was not that kind of person. He was too responsible, and would do his duty to her.

Jane secretly admitted that she wished Billy were less responsible because she did not want to share this with him. If he ever showed up in Rock Creek, he would be another problem she would have to face. It wasn't that she didn't miss him because she did, and sometimes she dreamt she could go back to those days in which they had explored their young love. It had been bliss, and Jane had never been happier. Yet, she wanted that wholly without any of the additional hassle of this pregnancy. Since that was not possible, all she could wish was for Billy to stay way for as long as possible.

"Jane?" Ellen called as she walked into the living room. Her voice snapped the girl out of her thoughtfulness, and she turned her gaze to the woman. "Could you do me a favor, sweetie?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"I need to go to town right now. Would you please make sure Ike leaves for school in good time?"

"Yes, count on me."

"Thanks. You're an angel," Ellen said as she took her coat from the peg next to the door, and put it on. Her smile turned to Jane, who had sat down on the sofa. "I'm off then. I promised Miss Stanly I'll do her hair for her wedding today, and I'm already running late."

"Have fun then."

Ellen nodded. Her hand reached for the doorknob, but before walking out, she hesitated. "Jane," she called, turning her eyes to the girl, "have you considered going to talk to your ma? It's been a whole week, and I know she misses you, and…"

"But I don't," the girl cut her off abruptly. Her amiable disposition turned into coldness instantly. "Please Aunt Ellen, I don't want to talk about my mother. If you aren't comfortable with me here, I can find myself another place to live."

All Ellen could do was shake her head in frustration. Talking to Jane was an impossible mission, and nothing she could say would change the girl's mind. Only Jane herself had the power to see what she was doing to her family, and in turn to herself, nobody else, but if she did not want to open her eyes, what could be done?

When Ellen was gone, Jane walked into the kitchen and started making some sandwiches for Ike to take to school. When she finished, temptation and her rumbling stomach pushed her to nick a sandwich from the boy's pail. In a few seconds she had ate it up avidly, licking her lips, and then without stopping, she devoured three cookies she fished out of a jar in the kitchen. Lately she was hungry all the time, and no food was enough to satisfy her ample appetite.

Some knocks from the front door stopped her intentions to get herself something else to eat. Jane ambled back into the living room, and opened the door. "Hey Matt!" she exclaimed with a smiling. "You're coming for Ike, aren't you?"

Mattie did not say anything, and walked past her sister, ignoring her completely. "Ike, I'm here!" he called loudly, and soon small feet came pattering down the stairs. Ike appeared, and with just a smile he greeted his friend. Like every morning he scurried away to find his books and pail. Matt remained in the middle of the living room, purposefully not looking at his sister who stood behind him.

"Where are your manners, Matt? You haven't seen me in days, and I don't even get a hello from you."

Matt slowly turned around, and lifted his upset blue eyes to his sister. "What do you care? You should be at home, not here."

"I'm at home. This is my home now."

"Why? Why don't you want to live with us?" Matt asked. Whenever he asked his parents, they simply said that Jane was just spending a few days at Uncle Buck's and would be back soon. Matt could tell his parents were upset about it, and he had heard them mention Jane in concerned whispers. Matt knew there was some problem with his sister, something that made ma and pa distraught, so the boy had eventually stopped asking.

"I…I have my reasons… important reasons."

"Are those reasons more important than Ma and Pa? They're very sad, especially Ma."

Matt's words disturbed Jane more than she was ready to admit, an even though her annoying conscience kept nagging her, she tried not to hear its voice. "You can't possibly understand. You're just a child, Matt."

Mattie stared at her unblinkingly, and after a second's pause he said, "If not being a child means hurting Ma, and making her cry, then I don't want to grow up." Jane gazed at him with big eyes, but Matt averted his eyes, and noticing Ike just a few feet from where he stood, he said, "Come on, Ike. Let's go."

The two children almost ran out of the house, and as the door slammed closed behind them, Jane remained rooted on the spot for a few seconds, but then she started to pace up and down the living room. "I'm not gonna cry; I'm not gonna cry," she kept repeating over and over again, trying her utmost to convince herself and calmed her frayed nerves.

After a few minutes she dashed back into the kitchen. This incident with her brother had boosted her already avid appetite, and she stuffed her mouth with some more cookies from the jar. The more she ate, the better she felt.

Suddenly, from the kitchen she heard the front door open and close. Her eyes fell on Ike's pail he had forgotten on the kitchen table. Grunting among gritted teeth, Jane took the pail, and marched back to the living room. Her steps stopped short as she realized that it was not Ike like she had thought. Her eyes opened as big as saucers and the pail slid her fingers, clattering onto the floor as a shocked whisper left her lips. "Billy…"

Billy's mouth curled up into a warm smile as soon as his eyes reveled in the beauty of his girlfriend. In two long strides he covered the short distance separating them and took Jane in his arms. "Oh Janey, I've missed you so much!" he exclaimed, and at once his lips claimed hers in a passionate kiss. Jane was initially taken aback by his impetuous attack to her senses, but soon she responded whole-heartedly. It was among kisses that she realized how much she loved Billy, and how her apprehensions were groundless. In that moment she felt transported back just a few months ago when there were no problems, no pregnancy, just the two of them and their intense love. Billy was such a great kisser; even though he had been the only one who had ever kissed her, she doubted anyone would arouse so many feelings in her. Billy was extra special, and in that moment she realized how much she had missed him and his kisses.

They kept kissing as if there was no tomorrow. Yet, when Billy's hand crept from her waist up her front to rest and caress her chest, Jane pulled away abruptly. Billy continued smiling as he tried to get his breathing back. "It's nice to get this warm welcome, but what… what are you doing in my house?"

"Look who's asking," Jane replied. "And you? What are you doing in Rock Creek when you should be in college miles away from here?"

Billy's mirth faded as her question brought him back to reality. "My Pa sent me a telegram, asking me to get myself to Rock Creek as soon as possible, and I took the first train I could. That telegram got me worried," Billy said in a soft voice, and lifting his gaze, he noticed the glow in her eyes. "You know what this is about, don't you, Janey? What's wrong? Has something happened to my parents?"

"Oh no, your parents are fine, and Ike too. There's nothing wrong… your family is all right."

"Then what's going on?"

"Billy, we need to talk," Jane whispered, and taking his hand, she steered him to the sofa where they both sat. Billy's eyes stared at her with eager curiosity, and Jane felt lost at words. At that moment she wished she had told him in a letter; it would have been much easier without having his eyes almost drilling a hole in her brain, and she wouldn't have had to dread his reaction because she wouldn't have been present. Why on earth hadn't she written that letter? So foolish of her! And why hadn't Uncle Buck told him everything in his telegram? It would have saved her from explanations and this awkward sensation.

"What is it, Janey?" Billy urged her, getting restless and perturbed by her hesitancy.

"It's… it's about us."

"Us?" Billy echoed in surprise, not really understanding what Jane was trying to tell him. "My father made me travel hundreds of miles all of a sudden because something related to us… to you and me?"

"Billy, I… I'm gonna have a baby," Jane finally blurted out.

The boy's face instantly showed his logical shock, and for a few moments he could not find his own voice. In that instant he even thought he had misheard her, but noticing the expression of her face, he knew his hearing had not betrayed him. "A… a baby?" he finally exclaimed in disbelief. "But… but we… we played it safe."

"It wasn't so safe, evidently."

Billy kept quiet, trying to digest what he still had trouble to believe. At the same time he kept sending surreptitious looks at his girl, studying her and checking for any differences in her figure. Janey looked the same; if anything, she was more beautiful than the last time he had seen her. Could it be possible that a baby was growing inside her very young body?

Now he understood why his father had sent for him with so much urgency in that telegram. Never in a million years would he have imagined what would be awaiting him at home. He had got Janey in trouble, and the implications and consequences of his acts now fell over him overwhelmingly.

Billy turned his eyes to Jane again, and in the turmoil his mind was sunk in, he realized where they were and how his first question had not been answered.

"Janey, what are you doing here… in my house and alone?" he asked again, this time wary of her answer.

"I live here now," Jane simply said.

Her words confirmed what he had feared, and alarmed him at once. "What? Don't tell me your parents kicked you out, and you had to find shelter here!" he asked, already angered by his own conclusions. He had heard of girls in the same situation as Janey being unceremoniously thrown out of their homes by parents. Billy had never thought Uncle Kid and Aunt Lou were that kind, so the shock was twice as bad.

"No, it's not really that," Jane replied calmly. "Ma and I had a fight… well, more than one, and I couldn't stand her anymore. Your parents were kind enough to take me in… otherwise, I would be wandering the streets, because I just can't go back home."

Billy listened to her, lingering to her every word. "What exactly happened between you and your Ma?"

"Oh Billy! You know what she's like."

"I do. That's why I don't understand what possibly could have happened to make you leave your home like that."

Jane sighed tiredly, but she knew Billy wouldn't let go without a proper explanation. "She's always on my back, treating me like a small child. I could hardly breathe without asking for her permission. And she got impossible when she learned about the baby."

"Well, that's understandable."

"Understandable?" Jane repeated in a shrill voice. "You weren't here, so you don't even know how she treated me! I'm already going through a lot, and I just needed a little understanding from her part. Was that asking too much?"

"I'm sorry," Billy whispered, taking her hand and giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Please let's not talk about my mother," Jane said, removing her hand from his hold and crossing her arms in a protective fashion.

"All right then." Billy kept quiet for a couple of minutes, and then said, "In any case, what matters now is what we are going to do now." Jane's attention was instantly drawn by his words, and the boy continued, "We'll get married, Janey. That's what we have to do."

"Married?" Jane echoed, as if she had never heard the word before or had never thought of that possibility in her mind.

Billy nodded. "You ain't gonna be alone in this. I love you, and I'll leave everything for you and our baby. We'll be together forever, Janey. Every day for the rest of our lives."

"Forever…" Jane whispered as fear crept into her soul. She knew Billy was right, and it shouldn't surprise her to hear him talk about marriage. This was what they should do. They had gone too far, and now there was no way back. What was done was done. They needed to face the responsibility. What else was there left? She loved Billy, she knew as much, so the idea of marriage should make her happy, but somehow she felt appalled rather than blissful.

Billy smiled, and noticing her awkward countenance, he said, "I know this ain't what we planned, and it's more than unexpected, but you needn't worry, Janey, my love. Everything will be fine, and I'll make you happy… we'll both be happy."

Jane nodded reluctantly, letting his arms encircle her, and as she pressed her face against his chest, she felt like crying. Yet, her pride choked back those tears, and instead she simply said, "I know."

* * *

Following his wife's orders, Buck had donned his Sunday best, which he only wore on very few occasions and which he hated. Buck did not understand why Ellen made him go to all this trouble when they were simply seeing their all-time friends and neighbors. Ellen had also put on one of her best dresses, and when Buck had laughed at her ways, she had stated that this was not just a social visit, but an occasion on which they would be discussing a very important and vital matter.

Buck offered his wife his arm all proper-like, which Ellen accepted as they started waling across the yard. Jane and Billy, holding hands, followed them at a short distance. With slow steps the party reached the house, and Buck knocked at the door. Kid appeared a few seconds later, and with a forced smile he beckoned the visitors to come inside.

"Hello, Billy," Kid said seriously as they stood in the living room. "How are you?"

"Very well. Thanks, sir," the boy replied, feeling very small and uncomfortable under Kid's scrutinizing eyes. "And… and … I… I'd like to… apologize for what happened… I really didn't…"

Kid lifted his extended palm to stop the boy's flow of words. "Please don't say anything. Let's not make this more awkward and difficult than it already is." Billy breathed out, relieved to be saved from further embarrassment, and Kid turned to his daughter. "Hi, Janey. Aren't you gonna greet your old father?"

Jane could not help but feel very emotional before Kid. This complicated situation had nothing to do with him, and Jane missed him too much. In this past week the girl had refused all his attempts to talk to her, because she knew she wouldn't be able to say no if he asked her to go back home, and that was something she was not ready to do.

After Kid's words, Jane lunged against her father and hugged him tightly. "Oh Papa! I miss you so much!"

"We also missed you, honey."

They were still in a close embrace when Lou appeared out of the kitchen, followed by her two sons and carrying Ginnie in her arms. Jane let go of her father, and turning her eyes to Louise, she said, "Hello, Mother."

"Is that the way to greet your Ma when you haven't seen her in days?" Kid scolded his daughter, sensing and feeling that Jane's cold reception was already hurting his wife.

"Please, Kid," Lou pleaded in a soft voice. "Just let it be. Janey's already told us to treat her as an adult, so we should respect her wishes. She's free to behave the way she likes, and place her affections on whoever she loves."

The Cross family exchanged tense looks while Jane stared at her mother unhappily because hearing her Ma repeat what she had often said sounded different to her ears, almost pathetic and insulting. "Boys, why don't you go outside to play?" Lou urged her two sons while she left Ginnie on her blanket with her toys.

"Ike's waiting for you in the yard," Ellen added, and the two boys ran out of the house, almost stumbling against the adults in their eagerness to go outside and meet their friend.

"Please sit down while I go and bring tea and coffee," Lou said, and as she walked back into the kitchen, her hand furiously wiped a few rebellious tears that had managed to escape her resistance. As Lou poured the hot tea from the kettle into her beautiful ceramic teapot, she mused how utterly miserable she was feeling. Jane's attitude hurt her too much, and even though she tried to appear strong and happy for her husband and other children, she knew she was not doing a very good job. She had never been able to pretend, and the excruciating pain of her daughter's absence from home and her life was more than she could stand.

Louise walked back into the living room. Kid and their 'visitors' were all sitting around her table, which she had embellished with one of her most beautiful tablecloths and a vase with some flowers. While Lou served tea and coffee around, Kid and Buck made some small talk about their business as a way to relieve some of the latent tension in the room.

Lou finally sat down, and her eyes instantly shifted and rested on her daughter. "How are you feeling, Janey?" she asked right away. Maybe the right thing to do would be to keep quiet since it was clear that her last comment, even though well-intentioned, had not sat well with Jane. Yet, Lou just couldn't keep silent or unconcerned. This was her daughter, who she had bore in her womb for nine months, who she had given birth to after thirty-six hours of intense pain, who she had loved, looked after, and raised for fifteen years. She was not going to act as if Jane was a stranger or the situation didn't concern her. In any case, Janey was already sore at her, and it seemed everything she said upset the girl, so Lou concluded that if Jane didn't like her question and worry, so let it be.

"I'm feeling fine."

"Are you eating properly?" Lou asked again.

"Yes, quite well."

"And you should try to do some exercise like going for walks. This is a very delicate stage in pregnancy, and you need to do everything Dr. Maxwell told you to when we visited him."

"I'm fine, Mother… I'm fine!" Jane exclaimed a bit too roughly, running out of patience with Lou's tiresome questions.

"Aunt Lou, Jane's all right. And now that I'm here, I'll take good care of her," Billy dared to say and placed a hand on the girl's shoulder.

Louise bit her lower lip, almost making it bleed, as she tried to control her impulses and tongue. Suddenly, all she wanted was to punch the boy and cry that he should have taken care of his own needs somewhere else other than with her daughter. Lou really wanted to be very rude and let out what she was feeling inside. Yet, with an almost supernatural effort she managed to refrain herself. What she could not control was the dangerous glare she shot Billy.

The boy instantly removed his hand from Jane's shoulder, and Buck then said, "Billy's going to sleep at Teaspoon's while Jane stays with us." Lou could not care less where Billy was going to sleep. The harm was already done, and Billy's chastity meant little to her now.

Louise realized that she was close to exploding, and she was not sure she would be able to go through this trial without lashing out or saying something she would regret later. Glancing to her side, she noticed Kid's tense jaw, but all in all, he looked quite calm. Lou could not understand how he could remain so cool in the worst situations, and the fact that he had that ability and she didn't filled her with soaring irritation.

A tug in her arm made her avert her attention, and she saw Ginnie standing by her side, raising her two small arms to her. With a small smile, Lou placed her youngest daughter on her lap, placed a kiss on top of her head, and gave her a cookie from the tray she had brought along with the tea. The warmth of the toddler's body somehow had a soothing effect, and Lou felt herself relax.

Buck cleared his throat to call for attention, and started talking. "Billy and I have been discussing the situation we're all aware of. He wishes to ask you for Janey's hand in marriage."

Kid and Lou shared a brief look, and then Louise directed her eyes to her eldest daughter, who was staring at the tea she kept stirring over and over again. "Is that what you want, Jane?" Lou asked without preambles.

The girl timidly lifted her eyes, but before she could answer, Ellen stepped in, "It's the right thing to do, Lou, if we want to save Jane from a reputation that could soil the rest of her life." Ellen paused for a second, took a sip of her tea, and then added, "Billy and Janey can have the money Buck and I saved for his education. That will allow them to get by for a while as they get settled in married life."

"And Billy could start working for us on the ranch like he does in summers, but in a steadier position," Buck continued, swaying his black eyes from Kid to Lou. "You know the wages our ranch hands get from us is enough for a young family."

"And we've also thought they could first live in the old cabin Buck and I used when we first came to Rock Creek. It needs a good cleaning and all our junk we've stored there over the years needs to be removed. It's a convenient location since we're near if they need our help, and it doesn't cost money. Later they can move somewhere else or build themselves a bigger place."

As Buck and Ellen unfolded their suggestions, Lou kept studying Jane's face. With every plan uttered she seemed to pale a shade, and Lou could tell she was not comfortable. After Ellen and Buck finished, Kid remained silent, and once again Louise addressed her daughter. "Is this what you want, Jane? Do you really wish to become a full-time wife and mother?"

Janey lifted her eyes to look at her mother. "Yes," she replied with as little conviction that she felt her cheeks flush, so she had to look away quickly.

"We love each other and our baby," Billy broke in. "And we want to be married. Why would you doubt our intentions, Aunt Lou?"

"I don't doubt you, but marriage is a very serious commitment. Marriage is more than romance, flowers, and laughter. It can be wonderful when you're joined to the right person, but it can also be challenging in hard times. You're both young… very young; you've hardly started living to understand the whole meaning of marriage… and I'm not even saying anything about being a parent."

"We are ready to face everything," Billy insisted stubbornly. "This is what we both want."

"Fair enough. We've heard what you want, Billy," Kid said, after keeping quiet all this time. "But I'd like to hear what my daughter has to say."

"Janey?" Billy turned to the girl sitting next to her.

Jane noticed all eyes on her, especially Billy's intense gaze, which clearly demanded a clear answer without doubts. The girl wished she could close her eyes, and let them decide for her like it had always been. Yet she knew she had to give an answer like the adult she claimed she was. On one side, it was Billy, who almost begged to reiterate his words and certainty. And on the other side were her parents, who wanted an honest reply, or maybe an assurance of what they clearly believed: that she was still a child. Jane was unsure, and stuck between a rock and a hard place. She could say she had doubts, was scared, and had no idea what she wanted. Yet, Billy's eyes almost penetrated her skin, and she finally found herself saying, "Yes, I do want to marry Billy."

Louise sighed, and shared an anguished look with her husband. "Lou, we also share your concerns as parents, but there's a child involved here," Ellen started. "And we need to find the solution that best suits that baby and our children."

"That ain't the only option; there are other possibilities," Lou said in a resolute voice and pressed her lips against Ginnie's head into a kiss.

"What possibilities, Lou?" Buck asked intrigued.

Louise shared another look with her husband before speaking up. "Kid and I have also been measuring up what would be best for everybody. We think it's a real shame you, Billy, might have to drop out of college for this matter, and in her position Janey couldn't even be able to make plans. There's a way that might not disturb both your lives so much… in most cases."

"What way?" Billy asked.

"Quite simple. Jane and I could go to Emma's until the baby is born. When we return, people just need to know that I've had another child, not Jane."

At once Billy shook his head energetically. "I won't consent to that."

"It's just a temporary arrangement. It doesn't have to be forever… just a few years that will give you the chance and space to find your place in life. In that time you'll be more aware what life is about and what you have to face. Then you can get married for the right reasons… just like it should be, not in a hurry."

Billy was still unconvinced. "That baby is ours."

"Naturally, and we won't ever deny that. This baby will know who its parents are," Lou continued. "This will just give you two or three years to mature and clear your ideas. It would be for the best. We care about you two and this baby."

For the first time Billy paused to consider Lou's words, but Jane's loud voice resounded with irritation. "That's crazy! You won't have my baby, and I won't lie to people. I already told you what I want! This is just once again your way to prove I'm just a child for you!"

Jane's roaring voice startled Ginnie, who started crying. Lou tried to soothe the toddler. "Sh, everything's fine, honey. Mama's here," she cooed softly, kissing her hair.

Jane stared at her mother and sister, and was surprised when a wave of feelings engulfed her overwhelmingly. Jealousy stung her, and she wished she could take Ginnie's place, and be comforted in the same way. Also, she realized that instead she would soon be taking her mother's position, and would be comforting a baby of her own. With the same intensity as jealousy, fear crept into her soul. She did not want her face to show what she was so clearly feeling, so she scrambled to her feet, and to everybody's surprise she fled from the house.

"Jane!" Lou called, and passing Ginnie to Kid, she dashed after her daughter. "Jane! Jane!" she continued calling her once outside the house. "Please, Janey, stop and talk to me!"

Reluctantly Jane halted in the middle of the yard, and turning around, she folded her arms while saying, "What do you want now?"

Louise approached her with slow steps, and stood at a close distance. "Please, Janey, forget what I've said. If you don't like it, we'll do whatever you want. But please, come back home. Please."

Janey shook her head. "I'm sorry, but no. It's obvious we have the same problem, and I don't want to argue with you anymore."

"Janey, I really don't understand what you want from me. If what you want is for me to stop being your mother, I'm afraid that's not possible. I'll be your mother forever whether you want it or not." Lou paused and then added, "Honey, please, come back to your family. I beg you. Please."

"Why, Ma? There's no point. I'll soon be moving to that cabin when I marry Billy. So you better get used to seeing less and less of me."

"Please Janey," Lou pleased almost in tears.

The girl shook her head, and unable to endure the pained look of her mother, she turned on her heel, and almost ran to the house before her mother could see the tears running down her face.

* * *

The children were already tucked in bed, and Lou was finishing tidying up the kitchen. The plates and cutlery were already sitting in their right place, resting until the following day, and the pots and pans shining brightly. Lou was energetically wiping the surface of the worktops when an arm encircled her slim waist. Feeling her husband's arms, Louise relaxed and leaned her back against him. Kid nuzzled his lips on her neck, and then turning her to him, he kissed her quickly on the lips.

Lou gave him a sad smile when they pulled away. "Jane turned off the lamp ten minutes ago," she muttered. From the kitchen window she had a good view of Buck's house, and like every night she had been waiting and watching Jane's shadow in the room she was now staying in.

"Lou, we tried our best, but if she's adamant to get married, what can we do? She's underage, and she couldn't get married without our permission, but are you sure you want to get into a bigger war over this?"

Louise shook her head. "She thinks that everything we do is because we want to hurt or demean her in some way. I don't really understand why. Doesn't she know we love her, and all we want is her well-being and happiness?"

"She knows, Lou, but I ain't sure what she has in her mind."

"If you had put our suggestion on the table instead of me, it'd have been different. I'm sure she'd have listened to you. It's me she has a problem with," Lou said in a gloomy tone.

Kid could hear the words that his wife wasn't saying. "Honey, Janey loves you. Don't even doubt that."

Lou nodded sadly. "I feel like such a failure, Kid! When Janey was born, I swore to myself she would never have to go through the same as me, that she would never have the youth I had. You know, I didn't really experience what being a young girl was like. I had to work and struggle hard to survive on my own and find a way in life. I was even denied the hope for love because a beast stole that illusion from me… that is, until I met you. And even so, we couldn't enjoy a proper courtship." Lou paused to catch her breath. "I wanted Jane to have everything I didn't enjoy, but she's going to miss her own youth because she's now forced to face responsibilities that should be reserved for an adult."

"Lou, we've tried to show her other options," Kid reminded her.

"And she refused because the idea came from me!" Lou exclaimed in frustration, and in a soft voice, she added, "You should have talked to her, not me. But my big mouth couldn't stand behind. And she refused because of me."

"Lou, I don't think…"

"Didn't you see her face? Kid, she ain't happy about the marriage! She doesn't want to be a wife. I know my daughter and how she feels."

"Honey, we asked her… twice, and you heard what she said," Kid added.

"Because that's what her boyfriend expected her to say, and because that's what I didn't want to hear! I still don't know why, but she is resolute to do anything I'm against! That's the reason, Kid! It is painful to accept that as a mother, but it's what it is."

"Lou, Jane is a clever girl," Kid contradicted her. "We can't oppose her right now. Your idea was a sound one, but if she doesn't want to accept it, we can't force her to do so."

Louise nodded. "I'm so scared, Kid. I fear she's running recklessly into disaster, and there's no way to stop her." Lou let out an audible sigh, and then added, "And that poor baby in the middle of all this!"

"Don't be so negative, honey! Jane ain't alone. You and I are here to help her in anything she needs. I really wish this wasn't happening, but whether we want it or not, our Janey is expecting a baby. She wants to get married, and her beau is a willing part. They're too young, I know, but marriage is one of the options we already discussed. Let's give them a vote of confidence, Lou. For all we know, they might have fulfilling, happy future ahead of them."

After Kid's tirade, Louise threw her arms around his neck and buried her face on his shoulder. "I'm so tired, Kid."

"I know, honey," he replied, caressing the back of her head with one hand and hugging her waist with his other free arm.

"And I miss my daughter. I want Janey back. This family's all cracked without her."

"We'll be whole again soon. Jane will realize how important you and our family are for her, and it won't be long. You'll see."

"I hope you're right," Lou muttered against his shoulder, and that was the last words they spoke.

The couple remained in the kitchen holding and finding the comfort they needed in each other's arms. The view before their eyes looked darker than ever because now it was not about their life, but about their daughter's. This might just be the first real problem of a multiplicity of them they had to face as their children grew up and became men and women. Life should have stopped its clock, and let their children be children forever because this… this was almost impossible to cope with.

* * *

"I have a surprise for you," a smiling Billy said looking at Janey with excited, sparkling eyes. They had gone for a walk just outside the ranch, and now on their way back they found themselves in the confines of their parents' joined property.

Jane looked at him expectantly, but did not utter a single sound. They stopped, and Billy fished a little velvet pouch out of his jacket pocket. Pouring the contents on his palm, the boy presented Janey with a simple ring. "This is for you," he said in a proud voice. "I'm sorry I didn't have one to offer you when we got engaged since it was…"

"Too unexpected," Jane finished off for him.

Billy nodded, still smiling from ear to ear. "Let me put it on you." The boy gently took her hand and slid the ring onto her delicate finger. As soon as the cold metal touched her skin, Jane felt as if iron shackles gripped her very soul, and she could hardly breathe from the pressure she was feeling in her chest.

"Do you like it?"

"It's… it's pretty. Thank you," she replied in a very tiny voice.

"Ma helped me choose it. She's also going to order our wedding bands when she goes to Seneca on Friday. She even wants to buy me a new suit for the wedding!" Billy enthused, chuckling at the same time.

"That's nice of her," Jane said in a flat tone as she resumed walking, and wished Billy would stop talking about the wedding and all the arrangements. Yet, her desires were not met when Billy continued babbling on about the same.

"Jane, the wedding is in two weeks."

"I know."

"Shouldn't you try and talk to your mother about what all girls and mothers talk about before a wedding?" Billy pointed out, and at his fiancée's bitter expression, he added, "I know she ain't too happy about us getting married, but despite everything, I'm sure she doesn't want to miss this moment, and would love to share it with you."

"Maybe I'm the one who doesn't want to share all this with her."

"Oh come on, Jane!" Billy exclaimed, tired of the girl's mean attitude. "Don't do this, please! You sound as if you had been born to a hyena or worse! Please don't turn your back to your family because all you're doing is hurting yourself."

Jane shook her head. "I just can't pretend everything's fine because it's not!"

"I'm just worried about you, that's all," Billy whispered, caressing her face with the back of his hand.

"I know."

They made their way across the yard in silence, and when they stood before the house, Billy stopped and turned to his girlfriend. "I promised my father I would give him a hand in the stables after we returned from our walk. I'm sorry I have to leave you."

Jane nodded. "I'll see you later then."

Billy smiled, leaned forward and kissed her softly but intensely. Pulling away just an inch, he kept staring into her blue eyes. "I can't wait to become your husband," he whispered, and kissed her once again before scampering away to the stables. Half way he turned around and cried, "I love you, Jane McCloud!"

"Love you too," Jane muttered with much less enthusiasm, and when Billy finally disappeared into the stables, she stalked into the house. As fast as her legs could move, she darted up the stairs and into the bedroom that was now hers. As soon as she dashed inside, hot tears rolled down her cheeks and violent sobs shook her body. Her weak legs staggered across the bedroom, and her body fell on the bed heavily while she kept wailing miserably.

Suddenly, a couple of knocks surprised her, followed by the call of her name. She had thought there was nobody in the house, and as she awkwardly lifted her wet face from the pillow, she saw her Uncle Buck timidly step into the bedroom. The girl tried to wipe her tears, but she felt unable to stop crying. Buck silently dared to sit on the bed next to the girl, and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong, Janey?"

Jane stared at him and the sincere, open concern in his eyes. The pressure in her chest was almost unbearable, and impossible to ignore, and after debating with herself for a few seconds, she managed to say for once what she really felt. "Oh Uncle Buck!" she exclaimed among tears. "I don't want to get married!"

Buck frowned. "Have you and Billy had a fight?"

The girl shook her head vigorously. "I just don't want to get married, and I don't want to have a baby!" she wailed painfully. Breathing in a few times, she tried to get a grip of herself and in a more calmed voice she added, "I love Billy, I do, but… but…" The tears once again overflowed, and she could not finish the sentence.

"Marriage is sure daunting," Buck agreed. "That doesn't mean you love a person less."

Jane let out a few shaky sighs. "I still can't understand how I've reached this point. I wake up every morning, expecting… hoping that everything has been a mere nightmare, but every morning I realize I'm still immersed in it!"

"I can understand your feelings, sweetheart. You're way too young for all this."

"I keep pretending I'm all grown up, but the truth is that I still feel like a little girl. Little girls shouldn't go through all this!"

Buck nodded. "It can be rather confusing," he mused. After a pause, he added, "Janey, the other day your Ma suggested an alternative to marriage, but you reacted as if she planned to sell your baby, and get herself a fur coat with the money. Why, honey?"

"I… I don't know. Billy…"

"Forget about Billy," Buck cut her off in midsentence. "Just think about what you really want, and tell me."

Janey remained quiet for a few moments. "I… I'm scared… so scared," the girl finally muttered.

Buck smiled a sad smile when he heard the girl's words. "That's exactly what your mother told me when I first came to meet you. _'I'm scared, Buck,'_ she told me. You were barely a few weeks old, and a beautiful angel."

"Why was Ma scared?" Jane asked, her curiosity obviously perked up. Her mother was never afraid of anything, and everybody said she was the bravest women they had ever met.

"She was afraid of failing as your mother," Buck elaborated. "I guess all women feel the same when they're first mothers… we men feel similar, but in your Ma's case the situation was even more fearsome. You know, her mother died when she was a young child, so not only did Lou feel she had no clue about being a mother, but she didn't know either what being a daughter was like."

Jane listened to Buck with rapt attention. "I'd never thought about her that way."

Buck smiled. "I'm sure you haven't. Parents are supposed to be strong and know all, aren't they?" he said in a light tone, and as Jane lowered her eyes, he continued, "That's the way it was for your mother. I guess she never talks or complains about it. I still remember her words that day as if it had been just yesterday. '_Look at my baby, Buck. She's so small… so tiny and pretty… so fragile. What if I do something that harms her? What if I'm not good enough for her? What if I ruin this beautiful baby because I'm her mother?' _She was sure terrified."

"Because she loved me so much," Jane whispered as her eyes filled with tears.

Buck nodded. "Janey, I don't know if Lou is a good or bad mother to you and your siblings, but I do know that has been her main worry from the outset, and I still think it worries her."

"She's good, Uncle Buck! She's a very good mother! She's the best!" Jane exclaimed with great conviction, and couldn't allow anybody to put her Ma's worth in doubt. "She's always there when we need her. And she always talks to me when I have a problem, and even when I was little, she always answered all my questions in a way I could understand. And she's so patient with us. Mattie never learns from the consequences of his mischief, but she keeps trying to reason with him all the time… Jed is such a slow eater, but she patiently sits with him like forever, using every trick in the world to make him finish his food. And Ginnie often cries, and cries and cries, and she stays up all night, and rocks her and sings to her, or does anything for hours on end until she calms down. And Ma always has a smile for us, a hug, a kiss, a kind word. I know she also has a bad temper, but when she gets angry with us, it is because we've gone too far and she wants us to understand what is best for us. That's all she wants… our wellbeing above anything else."

Buck listened to the girl with a smile, and when she finished, he said, "I always had the suspicion that you children were very lucky, and you just confirmed it for me." Jane did not say anything, and Buck continued, "I have the hunch your Ma feels as terrified as when you were a baby, Janey, especially now." The girl nodded sadly, and Buck added, "Honey, why are you here? I don't mean I don't want you around because we love you, but I don't understand why you want to stay away from your Ma and your family. Why, Jane?"

"Because… because I'm angry with her."

"Angry why?" Buck asked again, and when the girl did not reply straightaway, he insisted, "Janey, why?"

"Because she's always right!" Janey exclaimed loudly, hitting her fist against the mattress in frustration. "She was right about the older fella I foolishly flirted with. She was right about being on the lookout for men, and about us women ending up losing. She was right about what I feel about getting married too young. And she's especially right about me being a child because that's the truth… I am a child and feel like one!"

"Janey, I don't think you are a child, but you ain't a woman either. That's why it must be so complicated." Jane nodded again. "Honey, talk to your parents about what you really feel, and tell them all you've told me. They're your parents, and nobody loves you as much as they do. Talk to them and find the solution that you think you'd be happiest with."

"But what about Billy?"

"Talk to your parents first, Janey. This is about you mainly. You'll be the one who'll have to be a 24-hour-a-day mother and wife. You'll have to be with a baby alone from sunup to sunrise while Billy'll walk out of the house in the morning and won't come back till the evening. Just think about it, honey. And please, don't do anything just because others expect you to. Love doesn't mean submitting your will to the other person."

"Thanks, Uncle Buck."

"Like me, your father took a break a few minutes ago, and must still be at home with your Ma. Now would be a good time to have that conversation with them, don't you think?"

At his words Jane felt overwhelmed by apprehension. "I … I don't know. I still have lots of things to consider. I'd rather speak to them tomorrow."

"Janey, they won't bite you. They love you, and when they see you appear, they'll be happier than you've ever seen them."

"I… I know, but I still need time to think things through. I'll talk to them tomorrow, I promise."

"Tomorrow will do then," Buck concluded. "I guess it's time I returned to work. I need to keep an eye on Billy before he turns the stables into a pigsty," he joked with a smile. Buck rose to his feet, gave the girl an affectionate kiss, and walked out.

Jane remained on the bed. The conversation had lifted a terrible weight off her shoulders, and she felt better and less guilty. Yet, she did not look forward to seeing her parents tomorrow. She was aware that she had been a horrible daughter lately, and the idea of asking for forgiveness filled her with utter shame. Naturally, she missed both of them terribly, and wanted to show them she had changed. This had been too far, and she had been so silly. Ma had enough reasons not to forgive her, but Jane knew her mother would welcome her with open arms even though she did not deserve her. And tomorrow would also be the day when she would have a possible solution to her big problems. She didn't want to get married now, and her parents would help her like they always did. But then… what about Billy? What would Billy think?


	5. Chapter 5

**Part 5 **

"Good morning," Jane said in a tired voice as she stepped into the kitchen the following day.

"Morning!" Buck greeted her with a smile, as Billy jumped off his seat, ran to her, and planted a sonorous kiss on her lips.

"Billy…" Jane rebuked, blushing pushed him away from her as she hastened to take a seat at the table.

Billy chuckled at her reluctance to show her affections in front of his family as he walked to sit back on his chair. "Don't be shy, Janey. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Pa like everybody else knows we're going to be husband and wife soon."

Jane and Buck shared a knowing look before the girl quickly averted her gaze as she poured herself a cup of tea. "Where's Aunt Ellen this morning?" she asked in an attempt to divert the attention to a different path.

"She took Ike to the doctor this morning. He got up with a slight cough, and you know she's a worrywart as far as her children are concerned," Buck explained as he served the girl a plateful of eggs, bacon, and grilled tomatoes.

Jane smiled her thanks as she took the plate from Buck. "I hope it's nothing," she said, referring to Ike's visit to the doctor.

Once the plate was before her, Janey scrunched up her nose and felt queasy, but she knew she had to force herself to eat something. Her stomach ached, which she imagined meant the baby was demanding some food. Her hand took a forkful of eggs and went straight to her mouth.

"Did you sleep well?" Billy asked.

Jane gulped her food even though she now realized it wouldn't be easy to eat when she actually didn't have much appetite. "Not really," she replied. "I was restless, turning and tossing almost all night long, and couldn't sleep very much." As she talked, her hand spontaneously moved to her stomach, which had been upset last night, and still ached now. It was all her fault because in all her worry about the pending conversation with her parents she hadn't eaten too much at dinner, and then she had to suffer the consequences.

"It sounds as if your mind has been worried and hasn't let you rest," Buck remarked.

"Yes… I guess that's true," Jane replied, her eyes smiling in Buck's direction.

Billy noticed the peculiar, conspiratorial exchange of looks, and grew suspicious. "What are you two so coy about?"

"Why don't you tell him, Janey?" Buck hinted, raising an eyebrow pointedly.

Jane smiled awkwardly. "I'm gonna talk to my parents today, and try to sort out our problems."

"That's great!" Billy exclaimed happily. "I'm really glad for you."

Jane shifted in her seat uncomfortably, feeling guilty for what she was not saying. Uncle Buck had repeatedly told her she should speak to her parents and discuss what she wanted without saying a word to Billy. That troubled her because she felt as if she was betraying him. Yet, Uncle Buck surely was right. Janey was tired of making mistakes, and intended to heed those who knew better.

The girl focused her eyes on her plate, and picked up another load of eggs, and as she was about to bring the fork into her mouth, an acute pain hit her powerfully. Jane let out a pain-filled cry. The fork dropped from her hand, clattering on the table, as both of her hands flew to rest on her middle.

"Janey!" both Buck and Billy called in alarm as they ran to her side.

Jane took a few deep breaths, and as the pain subsided, she smiled weakly. "I'm fine. Don't worry. It's nothing, it's…" She could not finish as another stronger pain shook her and she screamed once again.

"Quick, Billy! Help Janey back to bed, and I'll go get the doctor," Buck instantly took control of the situation since it was obvious there was something wrong with the girl.

Janey did not protest as Billy lifted her from the chair. The pain was totally mind-blowing, and she did not even know how she made it to the bedroom until her body touched the soft mattress. Still in pain, she curled up into a ball, whimpering and caressing her middle.

"Janey," Billy whispered, crouching next to her and taking her hand. "Honey, talk to me!"

Jane opened her eyes, which she had not even been aware she had closed, and when Billy's worried face appeared in her angle of vision, she mumbled in an anguished voice, "It hurts… it hurts so much. What's wrong, Billy?"

"I… I don't know."

She was feeling too lonely and lost all of a sudden, and Billy's presence did not comfort her the way it should. There was a vacuum in her soul, which she wanted to cry, and at that moment there was only somebody she needed. "Billy, please, bring me my mother."

"The doctor will be here soon, and my Ma will come along, too, when she hears."

"I don't care about the doctor, or if your mother comes or not!" Jane exclaimed loudly as the pain became almost unbearable. "What I need is _my_ Ma here with me! Just go!"

"Honey, I don't want to leave you alone."

Jane could not believe he was arguing with her now. What the heck was he doing? "Didn't you hear me? Bring me my mother! Now!"

Billy finally nodded, and dashed out of the bedroom, but when she was halfway down the stairs, the door banged open, and Louise barged into the house.

"Where's Janey?" Lou asked urgently. Before riding to town, Buck had dropped by the McClouds to let them know what was happening with their daughter. Lou had rushed out of her house before Buck had finished talking, and Kid had decided to fetch the doctor while Buck stayed with Ginnie and the two boys.

"Upstairs."

No sooner had the boy uttered the word than Lou darted up the staircase, reaching the bedroom breathlessly. "Janey!" she called eagerly as soon as she crossed the threshold.

The girl opened her eyes slightly, and whispered tiredly, "Mama." She managed to lift an arm in a meaningful request, and Louise ran to her side, taking her hand in hers.

"I'm here, honey, I'm here." Louise ran her eyes all over her daughter, and soon she noticed that her skirt draped between her legs was marked by red splotches of blood, and she winced, realizing what was happening straightaway.

"It hurts… it hurts so much," Janey wailed, squeezing her mother's hand strongly.

"I know, honey," Lou said in a tiny voice, running her had over the girl's sweaty forehead, and pushing the loose tendrils off her eyes.

"Ma… am I losing the baby?" Jane asked apprehensively.

"I… I don't know," Lou muttered, but as her eyes met her daughter's, she knew Jane wanted an honest answer from her, and she felt unable to lie. "I'm afraid so, honey."

Jane did not have the peace and calmness to even consider what she felt about what her mother had said. She kept whimpering in pain, trembling, and holding onto Lou's hand as if nothing else mattered.

"Honey, the doctor will be here any moment now," Lou said. "Let's get you out of that dress, and into a fresh nightgown."

Jane nodded, her eyes tightly shut, and Lou shifted her gaze to the door where Billy stood, transfixed as he watched the girl he loved suffering while he could not do anything. "Billy, honey, why don't you bring me some clean towels and warm water? And then you can wait the doctor downstairs."

"I'm not leaving Jane," the boy stated firmly.

Louise did not try to protest, but then Jane's weak voice resounded in the room. "Please, Billy, do as Ma says. I'll be fine." The boy was obviously unhappy about the request, but he had not other option than obey. So grunting under her breath, he finally left the bedroom.

Ten minutes later Kid appeared with the doctor in tow. Ellen, who had been in the physician's office with Ike, had also fled from town as soon as she had heard about Jane.

While the doctor disappeared up the stairs, Ellen, Kid, and Billy remained in the living room, waiting restlessly. Upstairs in the bedroom it did not take Dr. Maxwell long to confirm what Lou and Jane already suspected. Without a word the physician simply shook her head at Louise, who sighed bleakly, and in the same thick silence the doctor carried on examining Jane to make sure the girl was fine.

Jane went through the whole examination with her eyes closed, and at some point she dropped off. The soft sound of the door shutting woke her again, and through a tiny slit of her almost closed eyes, she saw her mother step into the room. Louise had walked the doctor outside the bedroom, and had a few words with him, and as she re-entered the room, she tiptoed to the side of the bed, thinking that her daughter was sleeping. That was why she got startled when Jane spoke up. "Ma?"

Louise smiled when Jane opened her eyes wide. "I thought you were dozing," she said, gently caressing her hair. "Honey, how are you feeling?"

Instead of answering her mother, Jane asked one question herself, "What did Dr. Maxwell say?"

Louise stretched her mouth into an awkward gesture. "I'm sorry, honey, but there's no baby anymore," she said softly. "But the doctor says you're fine, and there's no reason you can't have children in the future."

Jane kept quiet, absently looking at the ceiling above her as she reflected upon what her mother had said. "Ma?" she called hesitantly after a beat.

"Yes, honey?"

"I… I'm … I'm not sad about what's happened. Does that make me a horrible person?"

"Course not. You ain't horrible, sweetheart. Nobody could blame you for feeling that way. In these weeks you had to go through something that didn't really fit your feet. I do know, though, that if the baby had been born, you'd have loved it with all your heart. Things like this happen all the time and we can't really know why. Maybe there's a meaning behind them." Lou paused for a second and then she said, "Janey, you're a nice girl, and have a good heart. Do believe me. I'm your mother, and nobody knows you better than me."

Lou had to stop talking because suddenly Jane burst out crying. "Oh Ma! Oh Ma!"

"Janey…" Lou breathed in concern, and sitting on the edge of the bed she took the girl's hand while the fingers of her free one wiped her tears. "Shh… I know you're emotional after what happened today. It's logical, baby."

Jane kept sobbing even harder, and could hardly talk, but in a shivery voice she managed to have her say. "It isn't that. I… I'm so sorry, Ma. I've been so horrible to you and Pa… especially you. I'm such a bad daughter, and I don't deserve you being this good to me!"

"Honey, honey, please, there's no need to get all worked up. Don't say that! I do understand everything. This matter has naturally upset you; it's logical."

"I love you, Ma, and I've missed you so… so much, but I was proud and stupid…"

"That reminds me of somebody," Lou remarked wryly, and at her mother's comical expression Jane even managed a very tiny smile. "Honey, we both have strong personalities, but we can also admit it when we are wrong. That ain't the end of the world. I also had my share of bad moments because of my temper. Ask your father, and he can give you a full account."

Jane smile, her tears now gone, and in a sudden impulse she raised her body and threw her arms around her mother. "I love you, Ma!" she repeated, hugging Lou tightly.

Louise beamed happily as she held her daughter in her arms. "And I love you too, my beautiful girl."

When they pulled away, Jane smiled, but her smile turned into a pained scowl when she felt her body complaining. Lou gently helped her lie back down on the bed. "From experience, I know you are sore. You need to rest and have a nap."

"Ma, I want to go home, and rest in my bedroom and lie in my bed."

"We'll see to that when you feel better…"

"Please Ma!" Janey begged, joining her two hands together in pleading.

"Honey, Dr. Maxwell made me promise you'd stay in bed for at least a couple of days. You're sore and tender, and it's too recent. Just stay here, and you know there are a few people downstairs who are worried about you and want to see you, especially Billy."

"I don't want to see anybody," the girl stated stubbornly. "And Pa can carry me home as if I were a little girl. I wouldn't have to make any effort." Lou was still unconvinced, and Jane added, "I just want to be with my family, Ma. I need to be with you, Pa, and the children."

Louise finally relented. "All right. I'll talk to your Pa," she said. "And when Aunt Ellen and Uncle Buck come to see you, don't forget to thank them for their hospitality all these days."

"Yes, Ma."

"We could buy them something as a thank-you token," Lou mused.

"Yes, Ma," Jane said again with a smile as Lou walked out the door. The girl snuggled under the covers, and she kept smiling brightly.

For the first time in weeks she felt content and in peace. It was pitiful to feel this way when she had just lost her baby. The little person she and Billy had created did not exist anymore, and in a way she was sorry, but she was also relieved. Like Ma had said, there were things that nobody could control. Now everything would be as they should always be. Her foolishness had pushed her too far, but she had learned her lesson. Her family would welcome her with open arms, and she could not wait to be at home again.

* * *

Two pairs of eager eyes followed Louise as she made her way down the stairs, carrying a tray in her hands with the leftovers of Janey's lunch. Since the girl had settled in her bedroom, she had been sleeping, and just some minutes ago Lou had woken her up to give her some lunch. Louise was glad that her daughter hadn't lost her appetite, and seemed to be in higher spirits than Lou expected.

Louise smiled as her eyes fell on her two boys, waiting for her at the foot of the stairs. The pair had logically reacted with genuine worry when they had seen Kid carrying Jane home in his arms. Later Louise had tried to soothe the two boys' fears and curiosity as best as she could to two young children.

"How's Janey?" Matt asked as Lou finally reached the end of the staircase.

"She's fine," Lou replied. "You two needn't worry, but as I told you before, Janey has to remain in bed for a couple of days."

"Why? She sick?" Jed asked this time, his eyes staring at his mother unblinkingly.

"Come here, boys. Let's talk," Lou said, leading the way to the living room table where she left the tray. Then she sat on one chair, and placed Jed on her lap sideways while Matt took a seat opposite them. "I already told you that Janey's a bit under the weather, but nothing to worry about."

"Is she staying with us for keeps?"

"Yes, Matt. Janey ain't going anywhere."

"I've missed her," Jed added, his little face beaming with his beautiful, constant smile.

"We've all missed her," Lou replied, softly stroking her son's soft hair. "Let's do something. Why don't we go and see her later?"

The two boys cheered happily, and at the same time there was a knock at the door. Lou went to answer it while her two children ran off to play. "Please come in," she said when she found Billy and Ellen at the threshold.

Mother and son silently walked into the house. The boy, holding a bunch of wild flowers, looked shy and morose, nothing like the confident youth who had stood up to her and Kid just a few days ago. Louise was sorry for him as she could imagine how disappointed and hurt he must be feeling. Billy had been excited about the idea of a baby and his marriage to Janey, and even though Lou was pretty sure the boy had no idea what he would have got himself into, she could also understand his feelings now. Unfortunately she knew what losing the baby you were expecting was like, and how empty it felt afterwards. Before having Matt, she had suffered several miscarriages, and she remembered all those times as too bleak and desperate. She hoped Janey did not have to feel like her, and this incident would not affect her too much. Jane and Billy were too young, and this episode would surely not leave them indifferent, and would remain in their memories and hearts for as long as they lived.

"Janey's awake now," Lou started, addressing the boy. "Go and see her while your Ma and I chat and have some tea."

Billy looked at his mother for confirmation, and at Ellen's nod the boy shot up the stairs, taking two steps at a time in his eagerness to see Jane. He was still a bit peeved at her for sending him away when she was losing their baby, and for refusing to see him afterwards. Her attitude had surprised and hurt him, but his parents had told him to take Janey's actions to heart because it hadn't been an easy day for her. Billy could understand that, but it had not been easy for him either, and nothing in this world could diminish his constant desire to be with Janey all the time.

Billy knocked at her bedroom, and as he heard a weak 'come in' from inside, he slowly opened the door. Jane was propped up against the headboard, holding a book, and when she saw him appear, her surprised expression clearly revealed that she had not expected to see him.

"Hi," Billy whispered shyly as he walked to the foot of the bed.

"Hi," Jane replied in the same awkward tone.

"These are for you," Billy added, stretching his arm with the bunch of flowers and walking closer to her.

Jane took the flowers, and buried her nose in them, inhaling their sweet aroma. "They're lovely. Thanks," she said, and left the flowers on her bedside table. The two teenagers remained in silence for a while until Jane spoke up. "Please sit down," she said, tapping the place by her side.

Billy awkwardly sank down on the edge of the bed, and kept looking at the girl with open curiosity and concern. "How are you feeling, Janey?"

"I… I'm fine. A bit sore and tired, but that's all."

"I'm really sorry this happened," the boy said sincerely. "I already loved this baby so much, and I can't believe it's gone."

Janey lowered her eyes and fidgeted nervously, guilt-ridden for not sharing his feelings. She was also sad for losing the baby, but she did not really relate to what Billy was saying. They were too young to become parents, and even though she could not say that losing the baby was a blessing, she felt it like a second chance in life to learn from all the mistakes she had made. "Sometimes things happen for a reason. Maybe all this was meant to happen," she whispered, paraphrasing what her mother had told her.

"I guess," he replied gloomily.

They relapsed into silence, and once again Jane spoke up. "I want to give this back to you," she said, sliding the ring out of her finger and holding it on her palm.

Billy frowned in fear and confusion. "Janey, what happened today doesn't have to change anything. We still can carry out our plans. I do want to marry you."

"But I don't," Jane stated with clear conviction.

Her words felt like a stab in his heart, but despite everything, he could understand what she meant. There was no hurry for their marriage now, and they could have all the time of the world to walk all the steps before reaching that point. "I see," Billy muttered sadly. "Please keep the ring. One day we'll get married and…"

"Don't you understand?" Jane broke in abruptly. "Right now I'm not sure we'll ever get married."

A cold shiver ran down his spine, and he stared at her with scared eyes. "What are you saying, Janey?"

"Live your life without me, Billy. Go back to college, and find yourself a nice girl, and…"

"I don't want any other girl!" Billy exclaimed. "You're the only one I love."

"I love you too, but I've realized I'm not ready to have a boyfriend. I still need to grow up in all senses, and enjoy my family and simple childish things. That's what I want now."

Billy panicked, realizing she was actually serious. Desperate, he grabbed her hand and pleaded with her. "Don't do this, Janey. You're just confused and scared because of everything that happened. I'm still the same."

Jane shook her head. "I'm not the same, Billy. I'm sorry, but I can't do this now. Maybe one day, but…."

Jane could not finish her sentence because Billy was not there to listen to her anymore. He had jumped off the bed and dashed out of the room as if fleeing from hell, slamming the door closed. Jane sighed, and looked at the ring on her palm. She placed a kiss on the cold metal, and deflated, she flopped her head on the pillow. Her eyes welled up, and feeling miserable, two tears finally made their way down her sad, pale face.

* * *

Louise poured herself another cup of tea, and as she stirred in a teaspoonful of sugar, she threw a casual look at Ellen. They had been sitting for ten minutes now, and neither had said much. After the awkward silence, Lou dared to raise her voice. "I … I feel sorry for ruining Rachel's dinner the other day. She sounded so happy, and I surely spoiled her mood."

"It wasn't your fault."

Lou nodded. "I haven't seen or talked to her for a while, but I was thinking we could meet and have another dinner this or next week."

"I'm sure she'd like that," Ellen replied cautiously, not sure where Lou was heading with this. Things were still awkward between her and Louise, ad Ellen did not know where she stood with her friend.

"We could do it at my place. That way she won't have to clean up afterwards," Lou continued. She paused, and looking straight into Ellen's eyes, she added, "Maybe you'd like to come over, and we can cook together like we used to." Ellen stared at her in obvious surprise, but still did not dare to say something. "We could start from scratch, Ellen."

"This means a lot to me. You know, I'm very fond of you and your family. I wish I could swallow back those horrible words I told you because I didn't mean them. Honestly."

Lou raised a hand to stop her flow of words. "Please, Ellen, let's not talk about that. I…"

Lou was cut short as the loud bang of a door slamming closed reverberated in the house, followed by heavy steps quickly storming down the stairs. The two women finally saw Billy appear, but just for one second because he simply whizzed across the living room and dashed out of the house.

"Billy!" Ellen called, but the boy was already out of earshot and outside. Louise and Ellen shared a look, and without a word both women rose to their feet, one following the boy and the other climbing up the stairs.

Lou knocked before opening the door to her daughter's bedroom. "Janey?"

Jane wiped her tears with her hand, and tried to smile. "Come in, Ma, and keep me company."

Lou slowly approached the bed and her daughter. "Billy just darted out of this house as if it were on fire. Something you'd like to tell me, sweetie?"

Janey nodded. "We've broken up."

"Why, honey?" Lou asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed, just on the same spot that Billy had been on a minute ago. "What happened today ain't nobody's fault."

"I know, Ma, but this is something different," the girl explained. Jane paused, and kept deep in thought before she continued, "Remember when I was eight and Aunt Rachel made a huge lemon cake?" Lou nodded, and Janey added, "I loved her lemon cake, and I couldn't get enough. That time I must have had four or five big pieces in one go… without you or Pa knowing, naturally."

"And the next day you were sick as a dog from all the cake you'd eaten."

Janey grimaced at the memory. "Since then I've never ever tasted that cake again. Just thinking about it revolts my stomach," the girl said in a soft voice. "That's exactly what's happening to me now. I had so much of this man-woman thing that I can take anymore. I do love Billy, but I ain't ready to be his girlfriend."

"It's understandable," Lou replied, caressing her hand affectionately. "Give yourself some time, honey. Maybe one day you can give each other another chance."

"Ma, no man's ever gonna touch me again. That was a mistake, a stupid mistake. Nobody's gonna touch me, I swear."

Lou smiled sadly. "That's good, but don't make too rash promises." She paused, and then added, "There was a time I made a similar promise. I swore I'd keep men as far from me as possible."

"What happened?"

Lou grinned sweetly. "Your father happened. He changed everything for me."

"What I mean is what happened to make you feel that way about men before. Did another boyfriend break your heart?" Jane asked with obvious curiosity.

Lou lowered her eyes and shook her head. "Your Pa's been the only man for me, Janey. Before him, I was lost in a world that… that fortunately is gone." Jane stared at her mother, trying to understand what her enigmatic words were describing, but Louise soon changed the direction of the conversation. "Janey, let life follow its course. You're young, and one day you'll be a beautiful, great woman. I'm sure that along the road you'll find love, maybe in another person, or who knows, maybe in Billy again. But don't try to reach your destination before your time. Life is long, honey."

"Thanks, Ma. I'll do that. You're the best!" the girl exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around her mother and hugged her. It had been a hard day, with losing both her baby and Billy. Now she was back to where she had started… the fourteen-year-old girl pampered and protected by her family. Yet, somehow she knew she had changed, and she would never be the same again. These weeks had made her vulnerable and hard at the same time, and she was sure the world looked different. She was not an adult yet, but she knew that in these weeks she had shed the innocence and naiveté of childhood, and those would sure never come back.

* * *

Concealed by the shadows of the porch, Jane kept her eyes fixed ahead. A wagon stood before the neighbor house, and she watched the four figures coming out to the yard. Billy was leaving today for college, but he had not bothered to say goodbye to Janey. Actually, he had stayed away since they had broken up, and Jane only knew he was going because her brother Matt had told her. Jane was disappointed and hurt, painfully realizing that she had lost her best friend.

In the distance she could see Billy hugging his mother and brother goodbye before briskly hopping onto the wagon. This time Ellen and Ike would stay at home, and Buck would take Billy to Blue Creek and see him off. As Billy settled in the wagon's seat, he turned his eyes to the house standing not far from his. Jane's heart skipped a beat in hope, and she dared to come out of the shadows. Billy finally spotted her, and kept his eyes fixed on her. Janey timidly raised her hand, and a hopeful smile played on her lips. However, Billy did not move a muscle, and averted his eyes as if he could not bear the sight at the same time as the wagon was set into motion. The carriage became smaller and smaller in the distance, but Billy never looked back.

Jane sighed, and lowered her hand defeated. Her eyes stung in disappointment, but she choked back her tears. Right now she was feeling very lonely and miserable. Naturally, she missed Billy and would miss him even more now that he was going. Yet, she did not regret her decision about stopping things with him. This was what she needed now, time and space, and maybe everything would make sense at some point.

Janey almost jumped out of her skin startled when she felt an arm around her shoulders. She lifted her eyes and found her father by her side. "He'll eventually come around," he said in a soft voice, squeezing her right shoulder encouragingly.

Jane blushed at his words. After what had happened, she had barely spoken to her Pa, and the few times she had done so, she was filled with shame. In the last days her father had not said much about her lost baby, but Janey could hardly look at him in the face. "I hope so," she whispered.

"I've been where he stands now, honey. Many years ago your mother and I decided to walk in different directions. It was more her decision than mine, and I wasn't too happy. Yet, that halt in our road eventually helped us reach where we are today."

Janey nodded, half listening to what her father was saying since her mind was somewhere else. "Pa," she started awkwardly, "Are… are you angry with me?"

Kid stared at her with a frown. "Why should I be?"

"Many reasons," Janey replied in an assertive, honest tone. "I got … I got pregnant. I disobeyed you and Ma. I disrespected her and left home as if I were ashamed of my family."

Kid nodded morosely. "Janey, I ain't gonna lie to you. We've been very sad in the last few weeks. We understand that when you're young, you … you want to try new things, and the baby… it was hard to come to terms with it, but we did. Yet, we didn't understand what was happening to you, the tantrums, the anger… we didn't know what we've done so wrong that you seemed to dislike us so much."

"You didn't do anything wrong. Not you, not Ma. It was me, only me."

"We're your parents, honey, and you are our responsibility. Part of the blame is also ours. We didn't take your… your romance with Billy well and all the consequences. We still think of you as our little girl, and you've grown up, sweetie. We need to accept that, and be honest with you."

"Will you forgive me, Pa? I'll never do something like that again, I promise. You and Ma are the most important people in my life, and I won't hurt and disappoint you again. I've learned my lesson."

Kid smiled. "I know you have, and there's nothing to forgive. I just want you and your siblings to grow into good men and women, and I'll do my best to save you from harm's way as much as it is possible." Kid paused for a second. "Everything's fine now, Janey. And let me tell you what we can do."

"Do?" Jane echoed, not really following her father.

"Yes… I'm feeling hungry, and I know for sure that your mother has prepared a scrumptious lunch for us. I can smell it from here, and my stomach is already rumbling," he said, sniffing in the air exaggeratedly.

Jane giggled and took the arm that her father comically offered her. They walked into the house as Kid called, "Lou, here we come!"

Jane stared at her father confused because she just knew he was up to something. He was too obvious, and this way of announcing himself was just too odd. As they entered the dining room, her siblings were at the table, looking at her with wide smiles, which made her even more suspicious. Even Ginnie on her high chair hit her little hands together in an attempt to imitate clapping. Before Janey could wonder why her family was acting up, Lou walked out of the kitchen, a big smile on her face as she carried a cake with lit candles on top.

At once the children started chorusing a song they always sang on birthdays, clapping their hands and smiling at Janey. The girl turned to look at her father with a dumbfounded expression. "Happy fifteenth birthday, honey," Kid said with a wide, happy grin.

"I'd forgotten about it completely," Jane admitted, blushing from all the attention she was receiving.

The singing finished, and the two boys hungrily ogled at the cake in the middle of the table. "Jane, come here and blow your candles," Lou said. "We'll have your birthday cake for dessert."

Jane came to stand next to Lou, and gave her mother a big hug. "Thanks, Ma."

"Janey, you have to make a wish," Jed exclaimed.

"You have to blow all the candles for the wish to come true," Matt added.

"All right. I'm ready," the girl said as she placed herself before the cake. Closing her eyes she tried to think of a wish, but could not think of anything. What she really wanted is to go back to the way things were before she had that indiscretion with Billy. Yet, that was impossible. Jane opened her eyes and saw her family around her, and she felt really lucky. How had she been so blind to the blessings she already had? She still could not forgive herself for the way she had behaved, but as her father had said, they needed to get on with life, so she just needed to heed him.

"Come on, Jane! The candles are going to burn the candle!" Matt exclaimed a bit too exasperated.

"All right, all right!" Jane said with an amused smile. She closed her eyes again, and as she blew all her handles, a voice in her mind said, "Thanks for my family. And please let Billy be safe and happy."

**The End**


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